


Kick the brick, find the key

by thecannabiskid



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: I love making them cry I will do everything to put them in sad situations i am so sorry, M/M, PWP, Steve and Bucky cry so fucking much, okay there's some plot it isn't much tbh, steve crying is my favourite thing tho wtf, this is good tbh I don't usually enjoy my own writing but huh it's okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-03
Updated: 2015-08-03
Packaged: 2018-04-12 17:11:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4487907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecannabiskid/pseuds/thecannabiskid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“If you were…” he can’t think of an appropriate word to describe Bucky’s current state. “Gone. If you were gone,” he swallows hard, can’t believe it took him this long to think of it. “If everyone you loved was gone, and you had been gone and suddenly were back, where would you want to go?”<br/>“You’re asking me?”<br/>“Where, Wilson?” Steve says and he isn’t playing around, Sam’s grip on the steering wheel flexes.<br/>“Home. I’d probably want to be home.”<br/>“Exactly.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kick the brick, find the key

**Author's Note:**

> idek im sorry

****

            “Bucko!” Steve shouts and he gets scolded by missus Barnes for being too loud and he apologizes with red cheeks and tears in his eyes.

            “Mom, don’t make Stevie cry,” Bucky grumbles and he’s grabbing Steve’s hand, leads him to his bedroom, which is almost a closet with a window and a ceiling light. The bed touches three of the four walls. The window is open and it leads to the roof. They play soldier until Steve has to go home.

           

            Steve is fourteen when Bucky kisses him. It’s a shy kiss on Bucky’s bed while they talk about girls at school and Bucky leans in fast and kisses him. Steve goes red. “No fair,” he breathes, “I was gonna do that.”

            “Too slow, Stevie,” Bucky laughs and they end up wrestling on Bucky’s bed and Bucky lets him win, Steve kisses him and Bucky smiles.

 

            “Did you kiss Maria?” Steve is fifteen and Bucky works at the docks, dropped out of school a few months ago and smooth talks girls from the high school.  Steve is limping towards Bucky and a few of the guys Bucky works with are watching.

            “Here they go again,” someone shouts and several of the guys clear out and Bucky shrugs.

            “Might have.”

            “There is no _might have_ James!” Steve shouts and he’s working himself up.

            “Let me punch out and we can speak, _civilly._ ”

            “Fuck you,” Steve shouts and he’s never sworn in his life and Bucky can feel his cock getting hard and Steve is huffing like an angry bull, Bucky swallows.

            “Fuck _me_?”  He laughs, “ _you_ stay right the fuck there Steven.” Steve shudders but he doesn’t move.

            Bucky clocks out, has his lunch pail and jacket in hand and Steve is bright red furious. “Fuck you,” Steve hisses and Bucky grabs him by the shirt collar and drags him down a back alley, puts his lips against Steve’s ear and Steve shakes.

            “Keep swearing and I’ll have to kiss it all out of you.”

            “Stop it Bucky, you knew I liked her.”

            “Liked? What changed?” His brows come together as he looks Steve in the eye.

            “You got your paws on her, Buck, that’s what happened.” He punches Bucky’s shoulder and storms off.

            “Oh Steve, come on, don’t be like that!” Steve flips him the bird.

 

            Steve climbs the escape ladder by Bucky’s window and taps on the glass. Bucky opens it and Steve is crying. “Stevie, it’s freezing out here.” Bucky whispers, helps him inside.

            “I’m sorry,” Steve sobs and Bucky kisses him hard on the mouth, he tastes like vodka and butterscotch candies, and Steve let out a tiny noise he’s never made before, grabs Bucky’s shoulders and Bucky licks Steve’s bottom lip.

            “Keep it down,” he whispers and Steve nods, panting, and Bucky smiles.

            “You’re good at that,” he breathes and Bucky’s smile gets bigger.

            “Is your mom home?” Bucky asks, nuzzles the side of Steve’s face, he feels like ice.

            “No, she’s working late… Did you wanna sleep over?”

            “Yeah.”

            They take the cushions off the couch and Bucky kisses Steve, licks into his mouth and Steve keeps crossing his legs, shifting under Bucky. “Stop that,” he breathes and Steve whimpers.

            “Pants are tight,” Bucky pulls back and makes a face.

            “Why?”

            “Because I like this?” He sounds so uncertain and Bucky frowns.

            “We don’t have to,”

            “Boys kissing boys isn’t a good thing Bucky, Maria said so.”

            “Ain’t bad either,” Bucky snaps and Steve sits up, holds a couch cushion over his crotch.

            “Didn’t mean to Stevie, I just like you, that’s what people do when they like each other.”

 

            Steve is seventeen when he graduates high school and everyone shows up. His mom cries, Bucky cries, Bucky’s mom cries. Bucky buys Steve pencils and a sketchbook and he hugs Steve tight.

            They end up at Steve’s house, his mom working the late shit and they lie under the table with the couch cushions and a bottle of vodka that Bucky stole. “Can I kiss you?” Bucky whispers and Steve swallows hard.

            “Wish I had kept my mouth shut,” he rasps after taking a pull and Bucky cups his face, kisses him slow and fuck he’s gotten good in the last two years they’ve stayed off each other and Steve is moaning into his mouth.

            “Want me to touch you?” Bucky’s voice is so small and Steve nods.

            “You want to?”

            “I really do.”

            They end up half naked under the table, rutting against each other like animals and Steve muffles his cries against Bucky’s shoulder when he climaxes, he’s breathing so hard that Bucky stops. “Need your inhaler?” He gets a quick nod and he’s scrambling to get it, Steve’s managed to crawl out from under the table and his hands shake too hard so Bucky holds it and presses it down and Steve’s breathing starts to sound better after a minute.

            “Got worked up,” he says and his stomach is sticky and Bucky’s cock is straining against his briefs. “Can I see it?”

            “We used to take bathes together.”

            “Wanna see it like that,” Bucky pulls himself from his briefs and Steve’s eyes go a little wide. “Maria said she sucked her boyfriends, I overheard her after the dance.” Bucky’s face gets a little red.

            “Never had someone do that.”

            “Have you done it to girls?”

            “A few,” and Steve moves to sit on his knees, tentatively touches Bucky’s cock and it’s hot, the head almost purple and Steve swipes his tongue over the head. “Watch your teeth kid,” Bucky’s voice is hoarse and Steve sucks him to completion, swallows everything Bucky gives him and Bucky is watching him, hand griped tight in his hair and Steve looks up at him with puffy lips.

            “It’s salty,” he murmurs.

            “Fucking Christ Stevie,”

            “Fuck, I gotta clean up.” Bucky drags him to his feet and kisses him hard on the mouth.

            “Don’t swear,”

            “Fuck you,” and he’s smiling into the kiss Bucky gives him.

 

            Steve is twenty when his mom passes away and he sleeps in her bed and sobs until he needs his inhaler. He doesn’t answer the door when Bucky stops by but he finds the key under the brick and lets himself in. “Stevie?” He’s been crying. “Kid, oh God, Steve,” he’s curled up on the bed, nose stuffed and eyes puffy and there’s a bucket next to the bed.

            “Bucky,” he wheezes and Bucky touches his back.

            “How many times have you gotten sick?”

“Six.”

“When was the last time you showered?”

“Four days ago.”

“Sarah would want you to take care of yourself,” Bucky whispers and Steve starts sobbing.

“I miss her,”

“I know,” and he crouches down by the bed and Steve is shaking. “Babe,”

“Not one of your girls, Bucky.”

“No, you aren’t. Get up, let’s clean you up.”

He undresses Steve, runs a brush through his hair and lets him brush his teeth. They both barely fit in the shower, Steve leans on him hard and Bucky stands there in his briefs.

“Bucky?”

“Yeah?” He works the shampoo into his hair.

“I don’t wanna be alone.”

“Well,” he murmurs, “I’m with you til the end of the line, kid.”

 

Bucky coaxes Steve into his room, hugs him close and Steve cries himself to sleep.

“Bucko,” Steve’s face is swollen and his eyes are the bluest blue Bucky’s ever seen.

“Yeah Stevie?” And he hasn’t slept, stayed awake for the last few hours listening to Steve breathe.

“I love you,” he chokes out and Bucky’s heart stops.

“I love you too,” he kisses the pout of Steve’s lip. “Should get a cold rag on your face, should help with the swelling.”

“Get me drunk,” he whispers and Bucky smiles.

“I can do that.”

 

Bucky gets Steve wasted and takes him to the movies. Blows money on soda and popcorn and Steve leans on him hard when they sit in the back of the theatre. He falls asleep halfway through the movie, face pressed against Bucky’s shoulder and Bucky can’t stop staring at him. Steve loves him. _Steve_ loves him. Steve _loves_ him. Steve loves _him._

“I’ll pay you back for the ticket, Bucky,” Steve yawns and Bucky takes a long sip from the drink.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ve been saving since I got the job at the docks, got a pay raise too.”

“We should celebrate,”

“Nah,” Bucky says and Steve’s eyes look like the sapphires in the jewelry store down the street and a few girls pass by and giggle, wave at Bucky who offers a smile and Steve wants to kiss his popcorn butter slick lips.

“What was the movie about?” He asks and Bucky smiles.

“The movie I watched was about a scrawny, loveable little blond. Not much action, he jumped a few times and fell asleep against a hunky brunettes shoulder, drooled a little.” Steve is bright fucking red.

“Sounds like I didn’t miss much.”

“You missed the greatest movie in cinematic history, Stevie.”

“Alright big guy,” Steve laughs and he learns against Bucky as they walk, still buzzed.

 

Steve cries when they get back to his place, flops down on the couch. “Stevie, doll,” he murmurs and Steve lets his head fall back, looks up at Bucky.

“How does that movie end?

“How do you want it to end?”

“With the brunette taking me to bed,”

“ _Hunky,_ the hunky brunette,” Steve lets out a sad laugh and Bucky picks him up, kisses him slow and Steve wraps his legs around Bucky’s waist.

“The _hunky_ brunette,” Steve gasps, “should bounce me on his cock.”

“Jesus, Stevie. Have you always had that dirty mouth?” Steve bites his bottom lip to fight a smile. “Filthy,” Bucky gasps jokingly and Steve moans.

Steve has the dirtiest mouth Bucky’s ever heard and he works at the docks, so that’s saying something. Steve showers and he can hear him moaning while Bucky looks around for slick. He comes out in a towel, face flushed and Bucky’s breath hitches.  “Got the slick,” Bucky says and Steve pulls him to his room, unbuckles his pants and Bucky moans.

He slicks up his fingers, works Steve open, kisses all his whimpers and hits a spot that has Steve shaking. “Gonna fuck me or tease me until I cum?”

            “Jesus H Christ,” Bucky whispers and he slicks himself up and presses into Steve.

            “Big,” he whines and Bucky smiles, “ge-get that look off your face.”

“Can’t if you keep talking about my dick,” his voice is anxious and Steve makes a face.

“This isn’t…. The most comfortable thing,” he groans and Bucky kisses him with shaky lips, gives a shallow thrust and Steve can feel the pleasure buildup as he continues and he grips at the sheets, moves to meet Bucky’s thrusts and when he cums his eyes almost roll back and Bucky kisses him to muffle the _fucking Christ Bucks,_ that leaves his lips.

 

“You okay?” Bucky asks in the morning because Steve fell asleep almost immediately after the late night activities.

“Kinda wanna do it again,” he moans, stretches out and Bucky kisses him.

“Let me make breakfast and we can talk.”

 

“We looked for you after,” Bucky says, and he’s wearing his good suit.

“Wanted to be alone,”

“You don’t… You don’t have to be alone,” and Steve doesn’t hear what he says until he says “all you gotta do is shine my shoes, maybe take out the trash.” He swallows a lump in his throat.

“Thank you Bucky, bu-“ he watches him slide the brick over, watches him pick up the spare key before handing it over. Bucky pushes him inside and locks the door.

“We haven’t spoken in a week, Stevie.”

“I know,” he doesn’t look at Bucky when he speaks and Bucky is desperately trying to make eye contact with him.

“Are you okay?”

“Just…. A little overwhelmed,” he whispers and Bucky pulls him to sit down. “Mom never took a vacation, won’t be tight on money for a while.”

“That’s good Stevie,” he murmurs and Steve chokes back a sob.

“I miss her,” Bucky pulls him close.

“I know kid. I miss her too.”

 

The sleep together again, Steve bounces on his cock and tells Bucky how full he feels, how much he loves his cock and Bucky is a whimpering mess and Steve smiles when Bucky cums first.

They clean up in the shower together; Bucky peppers hickies all over Steve’s chest and shoulders. “Fuck me in the shower,” Steve moans and Bucky laughs.

“In the shower?”

“Yes, right here,” and Bucky turns him around and presses him against the tiles, fucks him with ease and Steve is a ball of noises in front of him.

 

“You wanna shut up?” He says again and the guy in front of him stands up and Steve puffs his chest out and he’s only twenty-three years old and he’s ready to fight the whole world.

He gets punched. Again. One more time and he’s on his face and his hands hurt and he hears Bucky.

“Sometimes, I think you like getting hit,” he helps Steve off the ground and Steve stares at him with big eyes.

“You got in?”

“The one-oh-seventh,”

“Just like dad,” he whispers and Bucky nods. “Think I wanna go home,” he whispers and Bucky pouts.

“Got us dates,”

“Bucky, I’m tired of dates.” Steve sighs, brushes the knees of his slacks to get rid of some dirt.

“Only way we can go out together is to go on out with girls.” Bucky says softly and Steve tears up because he’s right.

“When do you leave?”

“In the morning,” and Steve starts walking towards his place, Bucky following at his side.

 

Steve strips for him, “what now, Sergeant Barnes?” He says and he’d make an excellent soldier, Bucky thinks, licks his bottom lip and he can feel his heartbeat picking up.

“Undress me.” Steve pouts.

“Wanted you to fuck me in the suit.”

“Fuck, Rogers,” he breathes and Steve leans in to kiss him, worries Bucky’s bottom lip between his teeth and pulls back with wet eyes. “Fuck, Stevie, doll, hey what’s the matter.”

“You’re leavin’,” he whispers and Bucky gets choked up.

“Not yet, got the rest of the day, it’s only noon,” he thumbs away one of Steve’s tears.

“Should be going with,” Bucky kisses him and he can feel Steve crying.

“Sergeant Rogers,” Bucky says and his voice is crisp and clipped and Steve stiffens up on his lap.  

“Yes’sir?”

“Stop crying, we can do that later.” Steve nods and, rubs his face with his palms and Bucky kisses him, “fuck it,” Bucky chokes and he starts crying, lifts Steve up and carries him to Sarah’s room, where he’s been sleeping for the last two years.  Bucky sets him down gently before lying next to him.

“Thought we were gonna cry later?” His voice shakes and Bucky takes a deep breath and chokes on a sob.

“Couldn’t wait,” Steve starts crying and he hugs onto Bucky like he’ll never see him again.

 

He convinces Bucky to clean up and Bucky lets him wear his hat and he looks menacing in it and Bucky doesn’t wear a towel when he gets out of the shower, he’s breathing a little hard and Steve smiles. “On the bed, hands and knees,” Bucky cooperates and Steve is behind him, spreading him open and Bucky shakes a little.

Steve licks flat over Bucky’s entrance and Bucky has to bury his face in a pillow to keep it down. “Filthy, Stevie,” he pants and Steve works his tongue past the muscle and Bucky is pushing back against his tongue as Steve works a finger in. Steve bites him on the thigh when he tries taking over and Bucky swears at him.

“Jesus Buck,” Steve breathes and Bucky’s cock leaks freely. “Don’t want you to cum.”

“You’re fucking crazy,” he whines and Steve bites him again.

“Want you to cum on my face.” He squeezes the base of Bucky’s cock when he feels him tighten around his fingers.

He gets Bucky on his back, and he keeps telling Steve to fuck him, so he does. Presses in and stills and Bucky moans Steve’s name. Steve cums moaning Bucky’s name and Bucky is gasping and watching him. “Feels weird, really fucking weird,” Steve pulls out and Bucky whines.

Steve moves to get on his knees on the floor and Bucky slowly stands, barely strokes himself once before cumming on Steve’s face and Steve moans, tongue darts out over his lips to collect some of it and Bucky is practically seeing stars.

He fucks Steve three more times after he cleans up. He bounces on his lap, fingers entwined with Bucky’s while Bucky tells him how beautiful he is. Tells him about the time his eyes looked like sapphires, how he couldn’t go back to the theatre without thinking about the way his face felt squished up against his arm and Steve wants to cry. Steve wants to cry because he should be going with. He should be fighting with Bucky.

 

“Can’t not show up,” Bucky whispers and Steve is barely awake. “Did I fuck you to death, Stevie?”

“Shut up,” he grumbles and Bucky smiles.

“Come on, we gotta shower.”

 

They hang off Bucky’s arms and Steve wanders close behind them.

Stark is handsome, he talks like someone Steve would respect if he wasn’t eye fucking every single girl on stage with him.

He disappears to enlist and Bucky catches him. “Come on, you’re kinda missing the point of a double date. We’re gonna take the girls dancing.”

“You go on without me; I’ll catch up with you.”

“You’re really gonna do this again?”

“Well it’s a fair… I’m gonna try my luck.”

“What, as Steve from Ohio?” They’ll catch you, worse they might take you.”

“Look, I know you don’t think I can do thi-“Bucky cuts him off and he’s staring at Steve like he’s an idiotic miracle.

“It’s war, Stevie,” They start arguing and Bucky always brings up the ‘there will be so man jobs’ and Steve gets pissed.

“What am I gonna do? Collect scrap metal?”

“Yes! Jesus fuck Stevie,” he hisses and a few people are watching.

“I’m not gonna sit in a factory, Bucky.” He gets a look and he frowns. “Buck, come on,” for the first time in his life, Steve sees the look of defeat on Bucky’s face and he wants to kiss it off, wants to fold himself up in Bucky’s suitcase and go with because if he doesn’t go…. If Steve doesn’t go he’ll be left here with no one. “There are men laying down their lives, I got no right to do any less than them. That’s what you don’t understand. This isn’t about me.” He whispers and Bucky stays silent.

“Right, cos you got nothin’ to prove.” The girls call for Bucky and Steve feels choked up.

 

Bucky stumbles in drunk, wakes Steve up and he’s crying. “Should have come back here; shouldn’t’ve gone dancing,” Steve flips the light on and Bucky’s cheek is bruised and he’s got a hickie on the side of his neck.

“Undress,” Steve yawns and Bucky takes his hat off, folds his suit and sets it on the dresser.

“Couldn’t get it up,” he chokes out and Steve has to hide his smile.

“Get the first aid kit,” he murmurs and Bucky stumbles a little, comes back with the kit and sits on the bed. “You smell awful.” Steve murmurs and Bucky watches him, doesn’t flinch when he cleans the cut on Bucky’s face.

“I love you,” he whispers.

“Go brush your teeth.” Bucky does as he’s told and Steve notices the cut behind his ear and Bucky sits back on the bed and smiles.

“Brushed’em,” Steve leans forward and kisses him slow and Bucky moans.

“There’s a cut behind your ear, I need to clean it.” He breathes and Bucky nods, cups Steve’s face and kisses him again and Steve’s moaning when he presses his tongue in.

“Want you,” Bucky moans and Steve nods.

“Want you too,” Bucky pulls Steve’s pants off, kisses his neck and pulls him to his knees.

 

Bucky works him open and Steve bounces on Bucky’s cock, bites his neck and sucks pretty bruises onto his skin. “Ease up Rogers,”

“Want you to remember me,” he whispers and Bucky catches his mouth.

“Got plenty to remember you by,” he says and Steve swallows hard and focuses on cumming.

 

They don’t sleep, Bucky sprawls out naked and Steve sketches him, draws his face over and over and over again. They laugh, Steve covers his ribs with bruises, sucks Bucky’s cock several times and Bucky keeps looking at the clock. “Gotta leave soon.” He whispers and Steve nods, kisses him slow and Bucky holds his hands.

“I’m gonna miss you,”

“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.” He doesn’t tell him he’s been accepted. Doesn’t say a single word and when Bucky kisses him goodbye it doesn’t hurt as much and the taste of vodka and butterscotch lingers on his tongue.

 

He falls for Peggy Carter. She reminds him of Bucky and when she punches this guy who mouths off all he sees is Bucky hitting that movie theatre asshole.

He trains.

He works hard.

He even gets her to smile a few times.

 

He’s Captain America, he met Howard Stark, who, for the record, smells like butterscotch and expensive liquor and Steve wants to kiss him. He’s the Star Spangled Man with a Plan and if Bucky could see him he’d probably drool.

 He spends a lot of time thinking about Bucky between performances, flips through his sketchbook and looks at the drawings he did of Bucky’s cock, of Bucky’s face, and it’s been months but he can still feel Bucky’s mouth on his and he jerks off in his bed, tilts his head to the side imagines Bucky’s mouth there. He cries when he finishes. After he cleans up and he pulls the blanket up around him he realizes he’s alone. Utterly alone.

He finds a picture of Bucky. Peggy finds it for him and he puts it in his watch next to the picture of Peggy that he keeps in his pocket.

He ends up in Italy. He hates it. But he can’t complain, because he’s Captain America. Peggy tells him the audience was what was left of the one-oh-seven and he panics.

 

He, Peggy and Howard devise a plan to rescue the one-oh-seven and when he doesn’t find Bucky he panics. He keeps asking, can’t stop asking every single person he save. “Bucky, uh, James Barnes, do you know him? Is he here?” He fights back tears. Someone says something and all he remembers saying is something along the lines of “I’ve punched Hitler over fifty times.”

He finds him, he’s out of it and he’s never been more happy to see bricks in his life. “Bucky, oh God,” he whispers, helps Bucky stand. “It’s Steve.” Bucky’s face lights up.

“Steve,”

“I thought you were dead,” Steve whispers, and Bucky blinks slowly, leans into him as they leave.

“Thought you were smaller,” He says and Steve laughs, kisses him fast and drags Bucky along. “Missed that,” Bucky slurs.

“Missed you.”

“What happened?”

“I joined the army.”

“Did it hurt?”

“A little,”

“Is it permanent?”

“So far,”

Steve smiles at him as they march back. Everyone in good spirits and Bucky just wants to drop his gun and kiss Steve, wants to know if he still makes those pretty little sounds. “So,” his voice is teasing and Steve laughs. “Captain America.”

“Watch it Sergeant.”

The look of disbelief on everyone’s face makes him feel good and Bucky can’t stop smiling at him. He looks for Peggy, who smiles at him and he’s grabbing Bucky’s hand, pushes past a few people. “Sergeant James Barnes,” Steve says, breathless, “Agent Peggy Carter.” Peggy smiles and Steve notices his sketchbook in her hands. His private sketchbook and she’s just smiling.

“You might want to keep a better hand on this, Captain.” She presses it into his hands and he swallows hard. “Not everyone is there yet.”

“I’m going to get James cleaned up,” the look on Peggy’s face is so cute that Bucky’s heart melts. “Can you… uh,”

“You will be undisturbed. You just saved a lot of people, Steve,” her voice is back to normal and she nods and Steve has to contain excitement as Bucky follows him to his private quarters. He slides the metal lock shut and Bucky pins him to the door.

“Next time you leave me Barnes,” Steve warns and Bucky kisses him hard, grips Steve’s hair and Steve moans.

“Jesus,” Bucky breathes and he licks down Steve’s neck.

“Bucky, you’re shaking.”

“Missed you,” he whispers and Steve catches his eye.

“You’re _angry,_ I can feel it.”

“You look better than me, of course I’m angry,” he jokes and Steve laughs.

“Oh God, are you serious? Bucky grow up.” Bucky rolls his eyes.

“What else has changed?”

“Undress me and find out Barnes.”

“God you got mouthy. Thought the army would have curbed that.”

“Can’t help it when you’re around,” Bucky can’t fight a smile.

 

“Bucky,” Steve moans and Bucky is working Steve open in the shower, bites his shoulders and Steve is a whimpering mess. “Need it now.”

“Gonna give it to you right now,” Bucky breathes and he slicks himself up with the soap and slides in, fucks Steve hard and Steve is loud, Bucky has to cover his mouth and when he cums he presses his forehead against the tiles. “You okay?”

“Need more,” Steve whines and Bucky lets out a weak laugh.

“Dry off and I’ll give you more.”

 

Bucky keeps his promise, and Steve bounces on his cock and Bucky feels like he’s in the presence of a God, but Jesus have mercy on him Steve looks absolutely filthy with his mouth open and his eyes half shut and he’s moaning. Bucky kisses his chest, licks over a nipple and the noise Steve makes is guttural. “That’s a new spot,” Bucky breathes and Steve’s head lolls back as Bucky nips the bud and rolls it between his teeth.

“Bu-Bucky,” Steve whines and Bucky gives the other nipple the same treatment and Steve cums, pulses around him, has Bucky cumming too.

“I can go again in twenty minutes,” Bucky says and Steve laughs.

 

“Are you ready to follow Captain America into the jaws of death?” Bucky’s decently drunk and he’s been nasty lately.

“Hell no,” he finishes a shot. “Fellow guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb to run away from a fight, I’m following him.” He gets another drink. “You’re keeping the outfit, right?”

“It’s growing on me.” The bar grows silent and Agent Carter rounds the corner and Steve’s heart drops.

“Captain,” her voice is smooth.

“Agent Carter,” Bucky is looking her up and down and Steve’s gonna tell him what’s for when they get back to his room. He whispers a _ma’am_ and Steve hasn’t ever seen Bucky so incredibly taken by a woman’s presence.

“Howard has some equipment for you to try, tomorrow morning.”

“Sounds good.” Peggy looks over at Barnes and Steve drinks in her appearance and he can’t stop thinking about how similar Peggy and Bucky can be. Bucky starts flirting with her and all Steve hears is _oh-eight-hundred Captain_ , and Bucky laughs.

“I’m invisible. I’m becoming you, this is a horrible dream.”

“Maybe she has a friend.”

 

They stumble back to Steve’s room, well Bucky stumbles and Steve holds him up. “You’ve been kind of a dick lately, Buck.”

“You love someone else,” he slurs and Steve shuts the door.

“No Buck, I don’t.”

“You do, you like _miss red dress_.”

“Peggy.” He corrects, “she reminded me of your,” he whispers.

“When I showed up for training,” Bucky starts and Steve has Bucky sit on the cot, he slouches back against the wall. “The guys asked if my gal covered me in all those bruises,” Bucky pushes a hand through his hair. “Wanted to say no, wanted to say you did it.”

“Woulda gotten you killed.”

“Woulda been worth it.” He whispers and Steve has to fight the urge to yell at him.

“I’m here now, Bucky,” he locks eyes with him.

“It isn’t you, Steve,” and that hurts, he tilts Bucky’s head up.

“How isn’t it me?”

“You don’t need my help anymore, Stevie.”

“I’m always gonna need your help,” he kisses Bucky and Bucky kisses him back.

 

The Howling Commandos and Peggy and Howard are out celebrating one night and Bucky is decently buzzed when Steve starts to poke fun at him. “You make this face when you shoot people,” Steve says and there’s a slight laugh in his ton that has Bucky frowning.

“Do not,” he sips his drink.

“You do,” Steve says, voice hushed like it’s their secret. “It’s this pouty lip thing that girls do when they don’t get their way.” Dugan laughs, raises his drink towards Bucky who frowns.

“He’s got a point,”

“Shut up,” Bucky snaps and Steve leans in close to him and the energy in the room is uncomfortable, electric, and Peggy is watching him, he can feel her watching him and he smiles.

“Do the gunslinger pout, Bucko,” he whispers and Bucky pouts. Steve tugs on his bottom lip and Bucky closes the gap and kisses him, pushes his hand down to his side.

No one speaks. No one breathes. No one moves. Bucky’s hands cup Steve’s face and Steve melts, and when Bucky pulls away Steve’s mouth is still parted.

“So…” Dugan breaks the silence after slamming back his beer. “You definitely do the pout when you shoot.” Bucky flips him off and everyone starts talking, Bucky smiles at Steve.

“Leave your mouth open like that and I’ll kiss you again.”

“Promise?” Steve whispers and Bucky leans forward and kisses him, slow and calculated and Steve’s knees feel weak.

“Get a room!” Someone shouts and Bucky laughs.

Peggy touches Steve on the shoulder while Bucky is arguing with him about something trivial, and Bucky frowns because Steve turns and gives her all his attention. “We need to talk strategy, I hate to pull you away from this but I’m afraid it can’t wait.”

 

“We could go to a movie?” Steve suggests and they finally get a break, finally get a break from fighting as they get rotated out and Bucky screamed and shouted until they said Steve could take a night or two off from constantly being pulled around.

“One of your movies, maybe?” Steve blushes.

“Remember that one,” Steve starts and Bucky is already smiling. “Where the blonde falls asleep against the hunky brunettes arm?”

“Oh I think I might remember that one,” Bucky teases and Steve smiles.

“We could see that?”

“I’d definitely like to see that again.”

 

Steve actually falls asleep during the movie and Bucky watches him, the way his hair is ruffled and his mouth is opened just a little and he’s drooling. Buck has to fight back a laugh. Steve wakes up during a scene with loud gunfire and Bucky holds his hand, smiles because no one in the dark theatre can see them and Steve keeps squeezing his hand, keeps yawning and looking over at Bucky. He eats popcorn and Steve is more entranced with the way Bucky’s lips part as he eats.  “This is boring,” Steve whispers, lips against Bucky’s ear and Bucky shivers.

“Stevie, hush.”

“Make me,”

“Damn well know I can’t here,” Bucky murmurs and Steve sighs.

 

“The movie was okay,” Bucky says and Steve nods. “Hunky brunette shoulda kissed the mouthy blonde.”

“The blonde wasn’t mouthy, just bored.” Bucky laughs and Steve can’t stop smiling.

 

“Come’ere Stevie,” Bucky whispers and Steve is getting out of the shower and Bucky has the radio on and Steve freezes.

“Mom danced to this,” he dries off fast, scrubs the towel over his face. “Let me get dressed.” He barely gets his briefs on before Bucky tugs him by the hand.

“Can’t play the song again punk,” he murmurs and Steve rests his forehead on Bucky’s shoulder as he sways them around the room. He hums, tilts Steve’s head up and kisses him and Steve wraps his arms around Bucky’s neck, lets his fingers play with his hair and Bucky smiles.

“I love you,” Steve breathes and Bucky grabs Steve’s hands and spins him and Steve can’t stop smiling.

 

“Remember that time I took you to Coney Island?”

“Yeah, I threw up.”

“This isn’t payback, right?”

“Now why would I do that?” He laughs and Buck grabs Steve’s hand and gives it a firm squeeze. “We can go to a movie after this, think that sounds nice.” He murmurs and Bucky kisses him, the Commandos pretend to be bust and Steve’s heart feels like it might explode and when Bucky pulls back Steve laughs. “Jesus,” he laughs and Bucky kisses him again and one of the guys whistles and they can hear the train. “What was that one for?”

“Apology for Coney Island.”

 

Bucky dies. Bucky fucking dies and Steve is hugging the metal bar along the side of the train and he wants to cry, needs to cry.

He doesn’t go to the movies. He cries. He tries to get drunk and Peggy finds him, steps over broken bar stools and glass. “Can’t get drunk,” he sniffles and Peggy sits across from him. He looks utterly defeated, lashes wet and Peggy stares at him a second longer than she should. He looks like a broken God.

She clears her throat before she speaks, “your metabolism runs four times faster than the average mans,” she says and she watches his tears spill over his cheeks, curve down the shape of his face before gathering on his chin. It turns into sobbing, he can’t bring himself to apologize and Peggy tells him softly it isn’t his fault.

She kisses him, sits on his lap and gives him a slow kiss before hugging him and Steve feels breathless. “It’s going to be okay,” she whispers and he stains her jacket when he starts crying again.

 

“Howard,” Steve says and it’s the sixth time the man has swatted him on the ass. “We have to finish the suit.” They’ve been awake for almost fifty-three hours and it’s just him and Howard in the lab. Howard sits and pours himself a drink.

“Sorry about the alcohol thing, must be torture.”

“You learn to live.” He mutters and he sits across from him. “You know I saw you at the Exposition. What color was that car?”

“What do you mean?”

“Didn’t you… Read the file? Had trouble seeing colors.”

“Red,” he thinks of Peggy’s lipstick and the dress she wore to the bar when Bucky was alive and Howard is giving him the same look Bucky used to give girls before he took them to bed and the thought of going to bed with Howard is appealing. He needs to get laid, he can hear Bucky telling him that, _God you need to get laid, Stevie, I’ll help you._ He swallows thickly.

He makes the first move and Howard has Steve on his knees, pants off and he’s moaning. “Christ Rogers,” Howard groans and Steve is sucking his cock, looks up at Howard who tosses back his drink and returns his gaze back to Steve. “Got lovely eyes,” Howard whispers and Steve flutters his lashes, it always drove Bucky wild and Stark nearly wheezes. “Fuck you’re beautiful.” And Steve moans and swallows when Howard cums and Howard kisses him. He tastes like vodka and butterscotch. Tastes like Bucky when he’d stumble home from the bar and Steve doesn’t want to stop kissing Howard, doesn’t want to stop picturing Bucky.

Peggy kisses him before he crashes the plane and he promises her a dance.

 

 

He wakes up seventy years later.

Tony tells him where he can find Peggy, he visits her sometimes; she calls Tony Howard, tells him how much she hates his facial hair and Steve can’t stop smiling. In the back of his mind he wonders if Tony tastes like Howard who tasted like Bucky.

 

“What’s your favorite drink” Steve asks him a few months later, he’s watching Tony fuck with his suit, watches him frown.

“Vodka,” he says absently, rolls his eyes and gives up on his current project. “Should not bring work upstairs with me,” he whispers, turns his attention to Steve.

“Favourite candy?”

“Butterscotch,” Steve lets out a weak whimper and Tony laughs. “You okay?”

“Would you ever wanna make out?”

“Fuck, you’re bold,” Tony laughs and he looks at Steve who looks like he might cry. “Why?”

“Bu- It’s nothing, sorry, I should get going.” He whispers, excuses himself before he can make an even bigger of himself.

 

“James Buchanan Barnes,” Tony says a few weeks later when they have downtime and Steve visibly jumps. “Howling Commandos called you an _incredible duo._ ”

“Loved him,” Steve whispers and Tony kisses the side of Steve’s face. “You don’t have to,” he whispers and Tony closes his eyes and kisses Steve and Steve melts, forgets where he is for a minute and he can feel himself crying.

“Steve?” Tony whispers and Steve takes in a shaky breath.

“I’m okay.”

“Didn’t realize Captain America was such a god awful liar,” Steve chokes back a sob and Tony pulls him to his room.

Tony bites when he kisses, has Steve gasping and clinging onto him when they hit the sheets and Tony straddles him, kisses him until his lips hurt but he doesn’t want to stop and when he breathes Bucky’s name when Tony bites his neck Tony hums softly.

He can’t remember the last time he came in his pants but Tony makes a mess of him, doesn’t ask for anything in return and Steve is silently thankful because he’s sure he’d trip over his feet and bring up his father.

 

Steve moves to D.C., he meets Sam Wilson when he’s out running and he’s absolutely enthralled with him, hasn’t felt this way since The Commandos and it’s nice. They watch football and talk trash about each other’s teams and during the commercials Sam will show him cat videos he’s found.

He finds Fury in his apartment and the guy he chases after smells like vodka and motor oil and Steve doesn’t know what to do.

 

He doesn’t like to be chased, he doesn’t like large shopping centers, but he likes the hat that Nat puts him in. He’s nervous, Natasha keeps looking at him like he’s gonna blow it and he’s fidgeting with his glasses. Almost passes out when a store employee approaches them, she’s all smooth talk and he’s struggling to keep up.

“Was that your first kiss since 1945?” Nat teases and Steve feels his face get hot.

“That bad?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Might as well have.” She fights a smile, pouts at him instead and he focuses on driving.

“You’re good at this,” she says, leaning hard against the door with a sparkle in her eye.

“Good at what?” He takes the bait and she smiles.

“Driving,” she shifts in her seat, “who taught you.”

“This isn’t story time,” he murmurs and she frowns.

“Did you and Star-“ Steve shoots her a look. “It’s easy to get lonely.” She finally says and Steve doesn’t speak.

 

He almost cries when he sees Bucky, takes everything in his power not to run up to him, take the bullets just to kiss him again.  He doesn’t remember his name. He doesn’t remember Steve. Steve wouldn’t believe it if he hadn’t been so close, swinging that fucking knife at him and Jesus Christ he smells like vodka and sweat and he weighs his options, dodges his blows and tries to kick himself in the ass because it isn’t Bucky. Not anymore.

 

He screams at Fury when they find out he’s alive. Thank God he’s alive but he’s pissed. “Would you have told me!” He screams and Nat flinches at the noise and puts the pieces together. She figured Tony was lying about Steve, lying about making out with him. It would explain him knocking all her attempts to set him up.

 

“He’s gonna be there,” Sam says and Steve swallows.

“I know.” Sam pats him on the back.

“After we do this we can catch a game, just like old times.” He offers and Steve laughs.

“Just like old times.”

 

He wakes up in the hospital with the taste of vodka and butterscotch in his mouth and he cries, doesn’t make a single sound and Sam doesn’t speak.

He draws Bucky. He draws what he looks like now and cries. He cries a lot. He still loves him and it’s been months since he last saw him and Sam is so hopeful. “Can I ask,” he starts one day and Steve looks at him during the commercial of the game and he can tell Sam is struggling to ask him and that’s new. “Who was Bucky to you?”

“My best friend,” he whispers and has to excuse himself. Sam hears him crying in the kitchen. He finds Steve wedged between the gap between the stove and the fridge.

“Steve,” Sam crouches down in front of him. “We’re gonna find him.”

 

Bucky ends up at the Smithsonian, has a ball cap on, metal hand in his pocket and he learns a lot about himself. Watches the clips of him and Steve and it feel like getting punched, over and over again. He doesn’t make it through the whole exhibit, quickly makes his way out of the building and finds somewhere far away to sit and breathe. He should head back to the place in Brooklyn, back to Steve’s.

It’s the first thing he remembered when the fog in his brain cleared up. The wood steps, the brick, the spare key. His throat feels tight and his eyes burn. He watches a few kids walk by and he feels sick. Can’t explain why and ends up lying back in the grass, breathless, tired…. Hungry, he frowns.

He waits until it cools off before moving from his place on the grass, he’s been sleeping on top of buildings at night and he’s slowly working his way towards Steve’s apartment, knows exactly where it is because he followed him one day, nervous of getting caught. He almost walked up to him but he couldn’t read his expression once he left the gym a few weeks back. Plus the bird guy was with him. He isn’t overly fond of him, but Steve is often smiling when they are together.

He doesn’t like Steve being alone. He’s perched on a building, watching Steve, he snagged a pair of binoculars on one of his many visits to the museum and he stares at Steve through them. He’s alone, reading and Bucky’s heartbeat picks up, watches Steve shift on the couch and Bucky is moving closer. He can’t keep doing this. Steve tosses the book on the table and spreads out on the couch and Bucky swallows hard.

He watches Steve unzip his pants and his own breathing picks up, he does this a few times a week, Steve does, and Bucky watches. He feels bad, but he can’t look away, Steve has a hand down his pants and he can see his hand moving and his mouth parts. He’s beautiful. When he frees himself from his pants Bucky can feel his own getting tight.

It happens in flashes, when he blinks, he can see him and Steve stumbling around; can feel Steve’s breathe on his lips. He watches Steve ruck his shirt up, Bucky’s hips grind down against the concrete and gravel of the roof and he hisses, breathe coming out in short pants. His hand loses rhythm and Bucky watches him cum, watches him arch off the couch, still fucking up into his fist and Bucky looks away.

It feels like that time he slipped off the roof, landed hard on his stomach when he was leaving after watching Steve. His heart stutters and he can’t breathe for a second. God he can’t breathe. He waits a minute, calms himself before returning his attention to Steve who looks like he’s dozing off, hasn’t cleaned himself up and Bucky suppresses a snort.

He wakes up on the roof, sun up and the bird guy is in Steve’s apartment, shouting and waving his hands. Bucky gets up, dusts off and heads back down into the streets.

            He goes back to the exhibit, focuses on Steve. He takes his hat off, pushes his hair back when he gets to the clips and he can’t twist his hair back without exposing his arm.

            “My names James, too,” he jumps and looks to his left, “I won’t tell nobody,” he whispers and Bucky is looking around for the parents of the kid. “Do you hate Captain America?” He asks, and Bucky shakes his head. “Do you speak?” He shakes his head again. “That’s okay, I can talk for the both of us,” no one else is in the room and the kid keeps watching him shove his hair back. “I have a pony holder,” he says, digging in his pockets, offers it to Bucky and it’s sparkly and pink. He hesitates. “I won’t get scared if you take your hand outta your pocket.” Bucky swallows hard, removes his hand and pulls his hair back quickly. He pulls his hat back on and the clips end. “I gotta go find my sister, I won’t tell,” he nods and watches the kid leave. He’s going to have to be more careful.

 

“You need to get out of here,” Sam says, they’re watching the game and Steve gives him a look. “From what you’ve told me,” Sam starts and Steve knows this is gonna be one of his drawn out _Steve needs to get laid_ plans but he’s decently shocked when it isn’t. “I’m just gonna say it,”

“Please do, the suspense is killing me.” Steve deadpans and Sam frowns.

“You look kinda fucking sick dude,” Steve frowns at him.

“I’m not sick.”

“You’re eyes look like you watched The Notebook a hundred times.” Sam accuses and Steve blinks. “You’ve bought enough Kleenex to keep the company running for decades.”

“Is there a point, Wilson?”

“You’re depressed dude.” Sam sits next to him on the couch. “It’s freaking me out, like before you handled it pretty well but the last month it’s gotten worse.”

“I’m fine.” Steve says, sits up a little straighter, Sam shakes his head. “I’m _fine_.”

“Come to the bar,” Sam offers. “I’m heading there after the game. Could play a few rounds of pool,” he catches his team scoring and jumps up. “Fuck yes, holy shit,” Sam shouts and Steve smiles.

“I’ll think about it.” Steve says when Sam settles down and he nods.

 

He doesn’t call Sam; he stays home and makes enchiladas. Sam eventually calls him and Steve paces, Bucky watches him from the roof, been there since the bird guy left and he watches Steve on the phone, watches his features change several times and when he hangs up he watches him take whatever he’s making out of the oven, he leaves it on the counter. Bucky watches him grab his jacket and head out.

He waits before deciding to break into Steve’s place. The window isn’t locked, he slips in unseen and is immediately assaulted by so many smells. The food on the counter smells good but he can smell something bitter and it throws him off. It comes from where the bird guy sits on the couch, it smells like perfume but stronger and he knows the word for it but can’t place it. He doesn’t care for it at all.

He wanders slowly, sees Steve’s shield by the front door, turns and walks through an open door into Steve’s bedroom and it’s overwhelming. He flips the light and frowns. It’s a little messy; he has an urge to clean up but Christ almighty it smells like Steve. Like wood shavings and charcoal and the heavy smell thick paints have and he has to sit down.

It hurts to breathe, fuck; he didn’t think this through, lies back on the floor and waits for his heart to stop pounding.

 

Sam is loud when he sees Steve. “You came, thought I was gonna have to get you,” Natasha is there, she nods at him, God she looks different, he’s assuming it’s a wig, dark brown, short, a bob, he isn’t exactly sure but she’s got Sam’s coat on and she shrugs when he looks at it and back at her. They gather in the back of the bar near the pool tables and he’s nervous, when’d he get so nervous?

“Relax,” Nat mouths when Sam goes to get drinks.

“You sure it’s safe for you to be here?”

“Apparently,” she drawls and Steve shivers at the tone and she smiles. “Stark isn’t as useless as he looks.”

“So the wig?” She frowns.

“Might try something new,” he nods, focuses on the table. “Sam was right, though, you don’t look so hot.”

“I feel fine.”

“Maybe you should visit Tony,” she murmurs and he swallows hard, he hasn’t seen Tony since they fooled around.

“I, uh,” he pauses and Jesus she looks at him like she knows everything. He crosses his arms awkwardly. “Think I’m good.” He says as Sam returns with drinks.

“Think you need to get laid.” Sam says and Nat nods slowly.

“I met a girl a few nights back,” she offers and he frowns.

“I don’t need to get laid.” They drop it.

            Sam really sucks at pool and he ends up watching as Natasha and Steve finish a game.

            Nat shows Sam what to do, leans over him and he laughs, makes some joke about her being on top and Steve watches as a guy hassles a girl and her friends. Nat notices him watching first. “Steve,” she warns and he waves her off, walks towards the guy.

            “Think she’s not interested,” he says, and the guy turns around and there’s that small part inside of him, the part that will never be big, Captain America, the part of him that’s still that scrawny kid in Brooklyn, who thinks he’s gonna lose.

            “’Scuse me?”

            “Said I don’t think she’s interested.” He shoves Steve, and that’s the breaking point. He breaks a pool cue over his back and the guy crumbles. The girl gives him a thankful look and someone’s called the cops because the guy is up and swinging.

            Steve’s never been in jail before, and he isn’t in there for more than a few hours. Sam gives him shit about it. “You think, if I was you, they’d let me out that fast?”

            “Sam,” Natasha warns and he shrugs, “get him home.”

           

            Bucky wants to take one of Steve’s shirts, knows he can’t and when he hears Steve’s voice he panics. He’s gone before they get to the apartment. He doesn’t know what time it is but he lets his body book it to God knows where.

He ends up in Brooklyn, his feet ache and he’s thirsty as his body moves him closer to his old home. It’s a convenient store, now, he didn’t know what to expect. It hurts.

Steve’s apartment building is still intact. It looks new and when he walks up the stairs there’s still a brick there, the key is under it. It feels like a setup. When he opens the door it’s like going back to before the war. Everything looks untouched. It has to be a setup is all he can think as he closes the door behind him. He does a sweep of the apartment and nothing; he slowly lowers himself down on the couch, turns on the radio on. He’s shaking, hard, metal hand still as always but his other hand, the rest of his body, violently shaking.

It takes a few hours to get used to his surroundings; Bucky gets up to see if the sink works. It does. He dips his head down and drinks from the faucet before figuring out what he can do about food.

He’s against stealing food but here he is, lifting food and casually booking it back to the apartment before anyone can get to him. He hides on a roof for what feels like forever before crawling down to find his way back to the apartment.

Bucky manages fine for a few days and he’s barely awake when someone opens the door and he’s hiding. It’s a cleaning lady, and she doesn’t do much before leaving and Bucky’s heart is pounding in his ears. 

He marks the days off on a bible he finds in the drawer in the bedroom and he slowly starts to remember things.

Some nights he can’t stop thinking about Steve, can’t stop thinking about the way he smiles at the bird guy, the way he smiled at him in those clips, the way he’d breathe hard and smile after working himself up on the couch, the smiles Bucky’s only been able to see. That stops him. What if he isn’t the only one to see that breathless, fucked out smile. He frowns. He feels his blood heat and he’s trying to block that out. Pictures Steve squirming on the couch, hand in his pants and breathing hard.

Bucky licks his palm before he pushes his hand down his pants, eyes shut as he thinks about Steve, the way his mouth opens and closes as he gets close. It doesn’t take him long to cum and he’s breathing hard, stares at the ceiling until his breathing is normal. If he stays here, Steve will find him. He’s ready to be found.

 

It’s pouring outside and Steve can’t sleep, has his window open and his legs tangled in the sheets. “Fuck,” he mumbles and he’s out of bed and on the floor doing pushups.  He makes it to three-hundred and stops. Shuts his window, grabs his jacket and heads out into the rain for a run.

He runs twenty miles. He runs to Sam’s house and knocks on the door. “You do realize it’s raining?” He laughs, “if you wanna sit out a few years I’ll have to buy a bigger freezer.”  
            “We need to go to Brooklyn.” Steve says and Sam, at this point in their friendship, has found it easiest to just go with Steve.

“Right now?”

“Right now.”

“What are we doing, Steve?” Sam asks, they’re headed towards Brooklyn and Steve is soaking the passenger seat.

“If you were…” he can’t think of an appropriate word to describe Bucky’s current state. “Gone. If you were gone,” he swallows hard, can’t believe it took him this long to think of it. “If everyone you loved was gone, and you had been gone and suddenly were back, where would you want to go?”

“You’re asking me?”

“Where, Wilson?” Steve says and he isn’t playing around, Sam’s grip on the steering wheel flexes.

“Home. I’d probably want to be home.”

“Exactly.”

 

They get there around one in the morning and Steve guides him down streets and then end up in front of a convenience store. “Where exactly are we?”

“Bucky used to live here,”

“So we drove four hours for?”

“Turn left up here, I have another idea.”

They head towards Steve’s apartments. “Bucky used to come over, we used to lie under the table.” They pull up in front of the complex.

“It looks new,” Sam says.

“I’ll be right back.”

“That’s a funny joke,” Sam says and he gets out of the car.

“Just stay down here.” Steve says and Sam sighs as he watches his friend take the stairs slowly, moves the brick and the spare key is still there. He opens the door and almost starts crying. Nothing’s been touched, it looks clean. It reminds him of waking up, it looks like a set and the radio is on and the cushions are off the couch. “Bucky?” Steve whispers and he hears Sam behind him. “Bucky?” He flips on the light and it flickers.

“Holy shit,” Sam mutters. “Where the hell are we?”

“1940’s,” Steve murmurs and Sam wipes his feet before stepping inside and Steve sees the cushions under the table. “Bucky, it’s Steve,” he calls out softly, steps into the kitchen and lifts up the tablecloth.  “Bucky?” He’s sleeping and Steve starts crying. “Bucky, hey, wake up,” he says it louder than he means to and Bucky jolts awake, stares at Steve like he’s seen a ghost. “Bucko,” Steve whispers and he crawls under the table and lies on the cushions.

“Is he here?” Bucky jumps at the voice.

“Yes, Sam, he’s here.” Steve says softly and he touches Bucky’s face. “Come home with me, Bucky, you can’t stay here.” Bucky looks like he might cry. “We can take the stuff with us,” he whispers and Bucky slowly crawls out from under the table.

“So, what’s the plan?”

“We stay the night here, rent a truck in the morning. Pack all this up and go home.”

“We aren’t calling anyone about this, higher ups? Anyone?”

“No,” Steve snaps as he gets up from under the table and Sam holds his hands up. “I’ll figure it out, we don’t call anyone.” Bucky is pressed against him and he smells good. “Did you do laundry?” He asks because, wow, yeah his shirt smells good and Bucky nods. “That room clean?” Steve asks, points to his old bedroom and he gets another nod. “Sam, can stay in there.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“You didn’t have to come.”

“You know that isn’t true.”

Sam passes out in Steve’s old room and Bucky walks back to the other bedroom, Sarah’s bedroom and Steve gets choked up. “Still smells like her perfume.” Bucky points to the dresser. All the details are incredible. Too bad he didn’t wake up here. He doesn’t think Bucky realizes it’s all been redone. “She had some left; I never had the heart to go through all this when she passed.” He whispers and he’s crying, turns to look at Bucky who has a few wet streaks on his face. “I missed you Bucky, I thought…. I thought I lost you for good.” He hugs him and Bucky tenses up as Steve cries. It takes him a few minutes to register this is an okay hold, he is in no immediate danger. He hugs him back.

 

They curl up on the bed and Steve is almost asleep. “Stevie?” Bucky’s voice is hoarse and he flinches when he speaks and Steve tears up at the sound of his voice.

“Yeah Bucko?”

“I waited here for you,”

“I’m sorry it took me so long to find you.”

“It’s okay,” he whispers.

 

Steve wakes up to Bucky plastered against his back and he can smell the sweat on his body and Bucky’s as he peels himself off the other man.

Steve showers in the morning and Bucky joins him and Steve jumps a mile high. “Morning,” he murmurs and Steve nods. He watches Steve clean up, runs his hand along Steve’s side and he hums softly, God he’s missed that.

“Steve!” Sam shouts and Steve jumps, Bucky’s hands are off him and he wants to grab Bucky’s hand.

“What Sam?” He calls and Bucky scrubs his fingers through Steve’s hair and he’s melting, can feel the heat traveling down his stomach.

            “Your friend is gone,”

            “No, he isn’t,” Steve says and Sam pauses.

            “Well, he isn’t here.”

            “He’s in here with me, Sam.” Steve says and he sighs.

            “That’s not weird at all,” Sam replies and Steve turns to look at Bucky.

            “Excuse me a minute,” he steps out of the shower and grabs a towel, wraps it around his waist before yanking the door open. “Can you go get the van? Watch TV? Settle down for a few minutes?”

“Need someone else to drive it and holy shit, is he… In the shower with you?” Steve’s face goes red.

            “Wilson,” Steve snaps and Sam gives him a _we’re going to talk_ look and Steve shuts the door. Bucky’s out of the shower and drying off, Steve swallows hard. “Bucks?” Bucky pulls on a t-shirt and sweats and God save him no briefs. “Can you get everything in the living room while I finish up?” Bucky nods slowly, clears his throat and opens his mouth to speak.

            “Be quick,” he rasps and Steve nods.

            He jerks off in the shower, imagines Bucky’s hand back on his body and he bites his fist to muffle his moans. He changes into what Bucky left him and the shirt is tight but there are briefs and Steve sighs.

            “We need boxes,” it’s painful to talk and Steve nods and looks at his mother’s clothes folded up on the couch.

            “Sam is gonna drive us to get a van. We’ll pick up boxes there.” He holds his hand out to Bucky who hesitates, touches Steve’s hand with his metal one and Steve wraps his fingers around it and he follows him to the car. Bucky sits in the back and doesn’t let go of Steve’s hand, he switches hands though, wants to feel the heat of Steve’s palm, it’s grounding him.

            “So he’s like you?” Sam asks, starts the car up and Bucky squeezes Steve’s hand, leans his head forward to rest against the rounded shoulder of Steve’s seat.

            “I’m assuming yes, until Tony can run tests we won’t know for sure.”

            The rental place is weird and Bucky runs his hand up Steve’s arm, grips tight on his upper arm and Steve gives Sam a look. “I handle everything,” Sam mumbles and Steve smiles at him as he walks Bucky outside.

            Steve drives the van back to the apartment and Sam follows behind in his car. “I keep remembering things,” Bucky whispers and Steve is gonna have to have Sam run out and buy water for the trip back.

            “Like what Bucks?” Steve asks and Bucky closes his eyes.

            “A woman in a red dress,” his voice is soft.

            “Peggy, Peggy Carter. We were at the bar,” he looks over at Bucky who is watching him with wide eyes. “I asked if you were ready to follow me into the jaws of death.” Bucky nods. He doesn’t remember but he nods because he can feel the memory but he can’t remember it.

            Sam goes out and buys snacks while Bucky and Steve pack boxes with clothes, they carry the couch down, then the mattresses and by the time Sam gets back everything is cleaned out. “Someone was always over cleaning. She didn’t speak English.” Steve hands Bucky a bottle of water that he downs quickly.

            “So we’re ready to go?”

            “Yeah,” Steve murmurs and when he turns to look at Bucky he doesn’t expect Bucky to rush forward, doesn’t anticipate his hand to tangle in his cropped hair, and doesn’t expect the soft kiss that Bucky gives him.

            “Oh, fuck,” Sam turns around. “So yeah, we’re definitely talking.” He waits. “I’ll head down to the car.”

            “Did you go back to your place?” Steve murmurs and Bucky presses his forehead to Steve’s and there are fresh tears on his face.

            “It’s a corner store,” Steve kisses him quick, thumbs the tears off his cheeks. He writes a quick note and leaves his number.

           

            Sam bought walkie talkies because he thought it would be cool and Steve rolls his eyes as he gets in the van. Bucky slides into his seat, buckles up and Steve follows Sam’s car.

            An hour into the ride Bucky falls asleep. “So,” Sam’s voice crackles over the speaker. “You and Bucky?”

            “Just ask, Sam.”

            “Wasn’t it dangerous back then?” Steve laughs.

            “Yeah, but it was worth every second.”

            Bucky wakes up in a panic while they’re pulled over so Sam can piss. “Bucky, hey,” Steve’s voice is soft and Bucky starts to cry.

            “Steve,” his voice breaks and Steve unbuckles, leans over and kisses Bucky slowly. It calms him down a little, gives him one thing to focus on instead of thirty. “I missed you.”

            “I missed you too,” he sees Sam and he knocks on the window, Steve rolls it down.

            “Hey did you want me to pick anything up while we’re stopped?”

            “Vodka and butterscotch,” Bucky says and Sam looks at Steve who is handing him a few crumpled bills.

            Bucky drinks a good portion of the bottle in one go and coughs. He pops two butterscotch candies into his mouth and Steve wants to kiss him but Sam starts driving.

 

            The hit traffic and Steve stops the car because they aren’t moving and Bucky takes his seatbelt off, leans over and releases Steve’s buckle and tugs him by his shirt so he can kiss him. Steve moans so loudly it has Bucky jumping. “You taste good,” Steve groans and Bucky is smiling. “Missed it.”

            “How far are we?”

            “About another hour, but with this traffic I’d say two.” Bucky whines loudly. “Bucky,” Steve murmurs and he pulls back and Bucky’s sweats are tented.

            “It hurts,” he whimpers and Steve gets on the radio.

            “Bucky needs to pee so we’ll have to pull off when the traffic clears up.”

            “Tell him to use a bottle.”

            “Sam,” Steve warns and he can see him laughing in his car. “Give him a break.”

 

            They pull off thirty minutes later and Steve follows Bucky inside and Sam gives him a look. “I drank like three bottles of water Sam,” he says and Sam rolls his eyes.

            Bucky pushes him up against the locked bathroom door and kisses him. “Gotta be quiet, Bucks,” he whispers and Bucky pushes him against the far wall of the bathroom and ruts against Steve’s thigh, bites his neck and Steve is telling him to stop.

            “Need to finish,”

            “You aren’t wearing briefs, it’s gonna leave a wet spot.” Bucky’s hips stutter and Steve kisses the side of his face before he pulls  his sweats down, gives him a firm stroke before dropping to his knees. He sucks the head, flicks his tongue over the slit and Bucky cums, startles Steve, who swallows it all and looks up at Bucky with big eyes.

            “It’s been like seventy years since anyone’s touched me,” he chokes out and Steve laughs, kisses Bucky slow and he can tastes himself in Steve’s mouth and Steve can taste the vodka and butterscotch that clings to Bucky’s tongue.

            “Better get going before Sam breaks the door down.”

 

            “You have blowjob lips, Cap,” Sam says and Steve laughs.

            “Excuse me?” He’s still laughing as he lets go of the button on the radio and Bucky has his seat leaned back and the sun is hitting his face and he looks comfortable.

            “Had to piss, ha, who knew you were such a bad liar?” Sam laughs and Steve doesn’t respond.

 

            They pull into the parking lot and Bucky holds onto Steve as they head up the stairs. “I’ve been here,” Bucky says slowly when Steve opens the door to his apartment.

            “What do you mean?”

            “You leave your shield by the door,” he says slowly, “you made something that smelled spicy, burritos?” Bucky mumbles and Steve and Sam are staring at him in shock.

            “Enchiladas, Buck.”

            “In a glass pan, I wanted one.”

            “That was months ago,”

            “I waited a while,”

            “Oh, dude, that was the night we went to the bar, you broke that pool stick over that guy’s back.”

            “Bucky?” Steve murmurs and Bucky touches the walls.

            “Can I sleep?” He asks and Steve rests a hand on Bucky’s lower back, guides him to his room.

            “Wish you had stayed last time.”

            “I got scared,” he whispers and Steve pulls the covers back and Bucky curls up. “You cleaned your room,” he yawns and Steve laughs.

            “Well, you don’t have to be scared now, okay?” Bucky nods.

 

            “Are you making enchiladas?”

            “He wanted to try them.”  
            “No onions?”

            “Bucky hates them,” he makes cheese, chicken and beef ones because he can’t remember the kind he made last time.

            “You gave him a blowjob when we pulled over.”

            “That’s really none of your business.”

            “So that’s a yes?”

            “You’re just as bad as Natasha.”

            “Girl knows how to shake information; I’ll take that as a compliment.”

            “Go bother her, you don’t have to stay.”

            “I bothered her several times…. In one night.”

            “That’s my friend you’re talking about,” Sam smiles. “A little respect, Wilson.” Sam nods slowly.

            “Yeah, sorry.”

 

            Sam helps Steve unload the moving van, they switch out all the furniture and Sam is calling a storage unit. He takes care of moving Steve’s furniture into a unit before returning with the empty van. 

            Steve wakes Bucky up so they can return the van. “Stevie,” he groans and Steve pushes Bucky’s hair out of his face.

            “Hey Bucko,” Steve can’t smiling, he’s missed seeing Bucky. “We gotta return the car.”

            “Don’t leave,” Bucky whispers and Steve is pulling the covers back.

            “You’re coming with and then we’ll eat,” Bucky nods slowly.

 

            “So I called Natasha,” Sam says and Steve stares at him.

            “What did you just say?”

            “I told her we found him,” he looks back at Bucky who’s staring out the window.”

            “You gotta tell me when you do stuff like that.”

            ‘We’ve spent almost two years looking for him, what was I supposed to do?”

            “Tell me, Sam, you could have told me.” He’s almost shouting and they don’t speak for the rest of the ride.

           

            “Bucky,” Steve holds his hand as they walk up the steps, Sam behind him. “I have a friend stopping by.”

            “The redhead from the bridge?” Steve stares at him a little shocked.

            “Uh… Yeah,”

            “She isn’t going to jump on me, right?” Steve lets out a startled laugh.

            “She won’t jump on you.”

            He’s wrong. He’s so very wrong. Nat tackles him the second the door closes and Bucky is stiff as a board and Steve has to pull her off of him. “He’s fine!” He shouts and he helps Bucky stand, “what the fuck is wrong with you two?” He grumbles, pulls Bucky against his chest and he’s shaking.

            “You sai-“

            “I know Bucks, it’s okay now,” Natasha stares at him with a look of confusion.

            “No… So is this why you kept turning down all my suggestions?”

            “Not now Natasha,” Steve hisses, he coaxes Bucky to his room, “figure we could eat in a little while…. Sorry, about all of that.” Bucky leans up and kisses him, tugs him so when they get on the bed he’s on top of Bucky and Steve moans. “Got people over,” he mumbles against Bucky’s lips.

            “Sorry,” he pulls back and Steve peppers kisses all over Bucky’s face until the brunette laughs, it’s rough from disuse and Steve’s heart could stop at the sound of it.

 

            “Do you have any embarrassing stories?” Natasha asks Bucky while they ear and Bucky has his mouth full of enchilada and Steve gives Natasha a pleading look. “You brought this upon yourself,” she says and Bucky leans back.

            “The first story the Howling Commandos told me was, after Stevie-“

            “He calls you _Stevie?_ ” Natasha’s voice is almost a coo and Steve goes red.

            “He rescued over four-hundred men and the Howling Commandos told me, and it’s my favourite part,” he looks at Steve, “they said Steve kept asking where I was and when he ran off he said, _I’ve punched Hitler, like, two-hundred times._ ” Bucky is laughing and Natasha is smiling and Sam is in stitches.

            “Bucky,” Steve grumbles and Bucky is smiling at him, reaches for his water and drains the bottle. Speaking hurts but he could talk about Steve for hours.

            “I miss them,” he whispers and Steve nods.

            “Yeah,” he gets choked up and excuses himself and Bucky follows him.

            “Are you okay?”

            “Yeah, Bucks,”

            “You’re crying.” He points out, voice devoid of emotion.

            “Been doing that a lot lately,” he chokes and Bucky presses his lips to Steve’s cheek.

            “It’s okay,” he whispers and Steve tangles his fingers in Bucky’s hair, his hair tie snapped in the car on the way back and he’s not sure if he likes it better down or back but he kisses him slow and Bucky smiles into.

            “Gross,” Natasha teases when she catches them and Steve jumps. “Tony is on his way over.”

            “Who’s Tony?”

            “Howard Stark’s son.”

            “Oh God, that guy reproduced?” Natasha snorts and shakes her head.

            “I like him now that he isn’t all _killy_ ,” Steve shakes his head. “I didn’t call him. He got a call about that apartment being empty. He texted me.” Steve frowns.

           

            “So this is Barnes?” Tony says and Bucky laughs, looks at everyone like they’re missing the joke.

            “Does the eccentric facial hair run in the family?”

            “Bucky behave,” Steve laughs and Tony is frowning. “I am so sorry.”

            “Good thing you found him before you came crawling back to me,” Tony mutters and Nat makes an _ooo_ sound and she and Sam are sitting on the couch. “Love what you’ve done to place,” he tacks on and Steve wants to hit him.

            “What’s that mean?”

            “It’s nothing, Bucky.”

            “Ouch, Cap.”

            “Tony, stop.” Steve snaps and Tony smiles.

            “That’s not what you were saying before.”

            “Did you two?” Bucky says slowly, brows knitted together and Steve frowns.

            “No. We didn’t.”

            “Almost.”

            “You and I remember _that_ very differently, Stark.”

 

            Tony looks over Bucky’s arm, finds plenty wrong with it. “Could upgrade it,” Bucky is taking the bottle of vodka from Natasha, takes a hard pull from it. Tony laughs when Bucky puts a butterscotch in his mouth and Steve just watches. “I get it now,” Tony laughs and Steve swallows hard. “Stare any harder and he might explode, Cap.”

            “Shut up Stark.

                       

            “Did you ever get caught?” Natasha asks and Sam went to the bar an hour ago with Tony. She’s curled up on the couch and Bucky sits on the floor between Steve’s legs while Steve brushes his hair.

            “Didn’t get caught but Bucky outted us.”

            “You made fun of the way I shot people.” Natasha laughs and shakes her head.

            “He used to make this pouty face whenever he shot someone, the Commando’s and I were giving him a hard time and what did I say,” Steve stops brushing Bucky’s hair, purses his lips together.

            “You said,” and his voice is a little breathless, “show me the gunslinger pout, Bucko.” Nat’s heart lurches and she’s watching them both.

            “What happened after?”

            “He pouted.” Steve whispers.

            “He tugged my bottom lip,” Bucky says slowly.

            “We kissed,” they mumble in unison and Nat’s smile could be seen from space.

 

            Sam and Tony show back up at Steve’s place drunk and Steve frowns. “You can crash on the couch,” he tells Sam and Sam is laughing and Natasha is watching TV, Bucky is talking to her in Russian.

            “Aww, Steve,” Natasha coos and Steve looks back at them.

            “Bucky thinks your butt looks cute,” Steve goes red. “I’m joking, Rogers,” Bucky smiles and keeps talking quickly and Natasha can’t stop smiling.

            “What about me Cap?” Tony says, smile on his face.

            “The dumpster was pretty empty earlier.” He snaps and Sam snaps his fingers.

            “Cold as ice,”

            “Ha,” Tony snorts, “cos you were frozen.”

            “You can sleep on the floor.” Steve hisses and locks the door when Tony shoulders past him.

 

            “Stevie?” Bucky murmurs, he’s been aimlessly tracing patterns on Steve’s back for the last ten minutes.

            “Hmm?”

            “My heart keeps pounding,” he whispers, Steve tilts his head to the side to look at him.

            “Are… Are you okay?”

            “I-I don’t know,” Steve gets out of bed.

            “Breathe, Buck,” he whispers and he goes into the living room and Sam and Nat are making out and Tony is snoring on the floor. He nudges Tony’s side with his foot and Sam and Natasha laugh. “Tony get the hell up,” he hisses and Sam stares at him.

            “You swear so beautifully,” Sam whispers and Nat punches his shoulder.

            “Jesus fuck,” Tony groans, looks up at Steve and frowns.

            “Bucky says his heart keeps pounding.”

            “That’s cute that he’s all head over heels but I feel like death.”

            “He didn’t mean it like that, Tony,” Steve says and Nat can hear the panic in his voice.

            “Steve,” she says slowly, that warning in her tone and he starts to cry. “It’s gonna be okay.”

            “Can’t lose him again.” He chokes and Nat steps down hard on Tony’s leg.

            “Get the fuck up you asshole,” she snaps and Tony gets up and heads to Steve’s room.

            “Bucky,” he looks more concerned with the tears on Steve’s face than with his own wellbeing.

            “Okay big guy,” Tony slurs, drops down on Steve’s bed and Bucky looks at him. “Breathe in slow for me,” Bucky does, “let it out slow.” He watches him do that for a minute and raises his eyebrows. “How’s the ticker?”

            “Feels normal,” he sounds relieved.

            “Whenever that happens do that. It helps.” Tony gets up and punches Steve’s shoulder. “He had a fucking panic attack.”

            “Thank you,” and Tony grumbles something about being left alone.

            “Are you okay?” Bucky asks slowly and Steve sniffles and sits down on the bed.

            “Was worried,” and Bucky is leaning in to kiss him, cups his face and Steve lies back. He lets Steve tug off his shirt, tosses it on the floor and Bucky moves him so his head lolls over the edge of the bed, sucks deep bruises onto his neck and Steve moans. He works his way down, licks flat over Steve’s nipple and he stutters out an _oh God_ that ends up being louder than he wants it to be and Bucky turns his attention to the left one.

            “How loud can you be Stevie?” Bucky practically purrs and Steve whimpers.

            “Gonna have to work for it, Barnes,” he laughs and it melts into a sigh when Bucky kisses his throat.

            Okay, Bucky doesn’t have to work that hard and Jesus Steve is loud. He works his pants off, kisses down his stomach and Steve’s gasps mingle with his moans. “How long has it been?” Bucky murmurs and Steve groans.

            “Since I’ve been fucked?” Bucky hums an affirmative. “Since we were last together,” Bucky digs through his drawer.

            “You should have gotten laid, no wonder you’re all over the place,” he murmurs.

            “What are you talking about?” Steve breathes, and Bucky’s hand runs along his side as he focuses back on Steve.

            “The crying,” he says softly, “you do it more when you haven’t been laid.” Steve bites his bottom lip.

            “That’s not tru-“

            “It is.” He smiles. “Didn’t change where you keep the slick,”

            “Easiest place to have it,” he moans and Bucky presses in a finger slowly. “Want you t-to bounce me on your cock.”

            “Yeah?” Bucky breathes and he works Steve open fast, has him writhing on the bed and Jesus he’s breathing hard. “Up, Stevie,” Bucky says and Steve sits up, straddles Bucky’s lap and leans down for a kiss. He slides down fast and Bucky grunts.

            “Oh, _fuck_ ,” Steve moans and it’s loud and drawn out and everyone in the living room can hear him.

            “Gotta move doll,” Bucky gives a small thrust upwards and Steve starts moving.

            Bucky watches him with parted lips and Steve is stunning, eyes shut and he’s biting his bottom lip. He’s almost as beautiful as the time Bucky watched him when he was on the couch. He hits the right spot and Steve starts babbling. “Feels good, you feel good.”

            “Yeah?” Bucky kisses him.

            “Wanna ride your cock again later,” and Bucky is dying, rsts his hands on Steve’s hips and when Steve cums all he does is moan the word _fuck_ and it’s beautiful.

            They go again, this time Bucky fucks him into the mattress and Steve’s breathing hiccups with each thrust. He’s got Steve’s arms pinned, kisses him sweet despite the filthy fucking and Steve gasps into it.

            “How many times are they gonna do it?” Tony says, frown on his face and Natasha shrugs.

            “It’s been seventy years.”

            “If only their dicks thought that,” he huffs and Sam has a pillow wrapped around his head to muffle the noise.

            Bucky kisses Steve like he’s saying goodbye and hello all at  the same time and he feels Bucky’s hips stutter and then a flood of warmth and it has Steve cumming. “F-fuck,” Steve breathes and Bucky moves to rest on his side, leans in to kiss Steve.

            “I was holding back,” Steve mutters and Bucky laughs.      

            They clean up in Steve’s bathroom; Bucky doesn’t take his mouth off of Steve the entire time. Presses his lips to Steve’s shoulder, neck, jaw and his own mouth and Steve smiles, “Bucky,” Steve groans when Bucky presses his fingers between his cheeks. “Don’t tease.” Bucky turns him around, presses him hard against the warm tiles and Steve’s heartbeat picks up.  

            “Wouldn’t tease you,” he breathes and he presses in.

            “Bucky,” Steve moans his name and it bounces off the walls of the bathroom. Bucky fucks him fast and hard, bites his neck and has Steve crying his name over and over again. Bucky loves it, loves the way his name falls off Steve’s tongue.

 

            Steve is up early, has to untangle himself from Bucky who won’t let Steve go until he gets an unreasonable amount of kisses. “One more,” Bucky breathes and Steve smiles.

            “If you get up,” Steve starts and Bucky pulls the blankets up over his head and Steve laughs. He still isn’t a morning person. “You could join me in the kitchen,” and Bucky stretches, watches Steve as he leaves the room.

            “If you didn’t do that hip swing I’d still be in that bed.”

            “What hip swing?” Bucky laughs, a low rumble that shakes Steve as he presses against Steve’s back as he cracks eggs into a pan on the stove. His hands feather over his hips.

            “This hip swing,” he breathes, sways Steve’s hips and Steve laughs.

            “I don’t do that.”

            “You do,” he kisses Steve’s neck and gets a small sigh.

            “Gotta make breakfast,” he moans and Bucky is sucking a bruise on the juncture of his neck.

            He manages to cook breakfast and keep Bucky at bay. “That smells good,” Natasha yawns and Bucky is draped over Steve, kissing his neck and Natasha murmurs something in Russian that has Bucky whining, it surprises Steve and Bucky lets go of Steve and heads to the bedroom.

            “What did you say?”

            “Told him you’d like it if he made the bed and cleaned up for breakfast.”

            “And he listened? Impressive,” he hears the shower start up and smiles.

            “Well he doesn’t want to fuck _me,_ he wants to fuck _you._ ” Steve doesn’t speak. “Three times in one night,” she laughs and Steve sets the pan on the counter and makes sausage and toast, the timer on the coffee pot goes off.

            “Steve!” He looks at Nat who’s running towards Steve’s bathroom and he hears faint Russian dialogue and then he sees Bucky.

            “Oh, Bucky, what did you do?”

            “He cut himself shaving,” Nat says and Bucky’s crying. Nat trades Steve places and flips the bacon and sausage as Steve presses kisses all over Bucky’s face. It’s deep but he can see it knitting together, healing, and Steve chalks up that he’s crying because he’s shocked.

            “That’s a deep cut, Bucks,”

            “Never hurt this bad before.”

            “You’re still shaking off whatever the Russians gave you.” Tony says and Steve points t the cupboard.

            “Pills are in there,” he watches Tony root around for painkillers.

            “Should take a few more months before you’re back to normal.”

            “I am normal,” Bucky snaps and Tony holds up his hands.

            “Three times in under two hours is not normal for someone your age.”

            “Tony!” Steve shouts and Tony laughs.

            “ _Bounce me on your cock,_ ” Tony is in stitches and Steve is bright red.

            “Poor Howard,” Bucky coos and Steve snorts.

            “No, Bucky, that’s Tony.”

            “I like the other one’s facial hair more, this one’s a jerk.” Bucky mumbles and lets out a startled laugh.

            “Was good enough for Steve.”

            “Could you stop,” Steve says and Tony shrugs.

            “Did you guys do it?” Nat asks and Bucky stares at him.

            “We made out?” Steve offers weakly and Bucky makes a noise.

            “What else did you do?”

            “Bucky, not now.”

            “Tell me.”

            “My room, now.” He says and Bucky waits for Steve to move. “You,” he points at Tony. “I will beat your ass if you’re still here when I come back.” He pulls Bucky to his room who is telling Tony _you’re dead_ in Russian and Nat’s laugh can be heard even when Steve shuts his door.

            “I don’t really care,” Bucky says slowly and Steve lets out a weak laugh.

            “Feel like I should tell you,” Bucky sits on the bed. “Howard and I had a thing one night, we hadn’t slept in days, had to fix the suit up.” He pauses. “He tasted like you.” Bucky watches him. “Same with Tony.”

            “Keeping it in the family,” he laughs and Steve is crying.

            “Thought you were dead, Bucky.”

            “You didn’t sleep with them?”

            “No, Jesus I couldn’t,” he pauses, “Ton y and I fooled around but, couldn’t do it.” Bucky nods.

            “I would have done the same thing.” Steve lets out a laugh.

            “Yeah?”

            “Yeah,” he shrugs, “Tony isn’t half bad, Howard looked like an asshole.”

            “Was desperate, almost fucked up several missions.”

            “I  woulda told you to get laid.” Steve rubs his eyes.

            “Gave a blowjob,”

            “To Howard?”

            “Yeah.”

            “Wanna give me one?” Bucky jokes and Steve lets out a breathy _yes_ that has Bucky frantically removing his pants and Steve keeps biting his bottom lip.

            Steve stares up at Bucky, hollow cheeks as he sucks hard on the head and he flutters his lashes, has Bucky whimpering in seconds. “So good Stevie,”  and Steve moans, sets off Bucky’s orgasm and he swallows, pulls off and licks Bucky’s cock until Bucky pulls him away, he’s breathing hard.

            “Old man,” Steve laughs and Bucky kisses him hard.

            Tony is still there when they come back out and Steve doesn’t speak to him. Natasha hands him a water bottle and Bucky laughs when he takes a sip.

            “What?” Steve asks.

            “It’s vodka.”

            “Jesus Nat,” Steve hisses and Bucky smiles, digs around in the pocket of his pants and pulls the butterscotch from the wrapper with his teeth. Steve bites his lip and Natasha pats him on the back.

            “You’re welcome.”

            “Huh?” Steve mumbles and Nat whispers something to Bucky and Bucky is kissing Steve fast. The butterscotch is overwhelming and he’s tangling his fingers in Bucky’s hair and Nat is grabbing herself a plate of food and goes to warn the others about the session in the kitchen. He presses Steve against the wall and Steve whimpers.

            “Need to eat,” Bucky moans and Steve nods as the pull apart.

            He has to make more food, Bucky eats the rest of what was made and is still hungry and Sam jokingly asks if he should go to the store and Steve nods.

 

            He gets ready to go to the store and Tony stays with Bucky at the apartment, runs a few tests that Bucky fights tears on. Steve kisses him in front of Tony, kisses him hard and Bucky’s tongue is warm in his mouth. “Keep it up and I’m out.” Tony says and Steve pulls back.

            “I’ll be back, okay? Cooperate.” Bucky nods and Steve watches him rub his eyes. “You call me if he freaks out,” Steve says and Tony nods.

            Sam is surprisingly not hung over and is in an excellent mood. “Tony is crazy,” Sam laughs and Steve frowns, tosses stuff in the cart and Sam has to go grab another cart and Steve calls Tony.

            “I’m taking blood samples, this better be important.”

            “Is he okay?” Steve asks and Tony laughs.

            “He started crying the minute you left.”

            “Oh no,” he whispers and his eyes sting, “put him on, please.”

            “Stevie?” Bucky’s voice cracks and he can hear Tony telling him to breathe.

            “Yeah Bucks, it’s me.” Steve whispers and Sam is coming back with another cart. “What’s going on over there?”

            “Tony’s taking my blood.” Tony snorts in the background and Steve smiles.

            “It’s to make sure you’re okay,” Sam takes his grocery list and grabs the rest of what he needs as Steve slowly trails behind.

            “He’s taking a lot.”

            “It’s fine Cap,” Tony shouts and Steve laughs.

            “Bucky I’ll be home in a little while,”

            “How long?”

            “Thirty minutes, Buck.”

 

            It’s an hour later and when Steve walks through the door Tony has a bendy straw in a bottle of vodka and he’s combing his fingers through Bucky’s hair, telling him Steve’s probably held up in traffic. “See, look,” Tony murmurs and Bucky tilts his head back.

            “Traffic,” Steve whispers, “and Sam drives like he’s my age.” Tony laughs and Steve looks at him. “So the vodka bendy straw combo?”

            “It calmed him the fuck down,” Tony laughs and Steve shoos him away.

            “Go put the groceries away with Sam,” Tony goes to complain and Steve gives him a look that has him shrugging and nodding. Steve sits where Tony was sitting, Bucky moves off the floor to sit next to him.

            “You came back.” He whispers and he’s got a butterscotch in his mouth and it clicks against his teeth.

            “Of course I came back,” Steve’s voice is soft and he kisses him. “I’ll always come back.”

            “Is there something wrong with me?” Steve blinks.             

            “No, Bucks,”

            “He took a lot of my blood.”

            “He just wants to run some tests to see if everything is okay.”

            “So I’m not okay?”

            “No Bucks, you’re okay.” Bucky has a look of complete confusion on his face and Steve sighs. “You’re okay Bucky. I promise.”

 

            “So he’s not okay.” Tony says and Bucky is sleeping on the couch and Steve’s heart drops.

            “What do you mean?”

            “His arm,” he says and Steve is staring at Bucky while Tony talks.

            “Can you fix it?”

            “Yeah.”

            “Fix him.”

            He doesn’t leave Bucky’s side. He kisses his face during the days that follow after Tony leaves. He cries when Bucky sleeps.

            “Steve?”

            “Yeah Buck?” He chokes and Bucky is hugging onto him tight.

            “Stevie,” Bucky murmurs, kisses Steve’s bare shoulder. “It’s okay.” Steve chokes back a sob and Bucky is pulling him close. “Stevie what’s wrong?” He whispers and Steve turns to face him.

            “It’s nothing Bucks,”

            “That’s not nothing,” he thumbs at his tears. “Stevie that isn’t nothing,” Steve kisses him with shaky lips, tries to silence Bucky’s questions and it works.

            “I love you Bucky,” he breathes and Bucky kisses him again, bites his bottom lip and Steve lets out a startled moan, snaps Bucky’s waistband his heartbeat picks up when Bucky pushes him onto his stomach and straddles him.

            “You want to?”

            “Please,” and Bucky _rips_ Steve’s briefs and Steve whimpers. He sucks bruises onto his shoulders as he works him open and Steve presses his face into a pillow. “Want to hear you,” Bucky grunts and Steve shoves the pillow away and moans. Bucky removes his fingers and his mouth trails down Steve’s back.

            “Bucky?”  
            “Yeah?”

            “You wanna fuck me?” Bucky laughs, it’s warming up, doesn’t sound as rough as it did days ago.

            “Shh,” he peppers kisses on Steve’s back and Steve feels choked up and Bucky can feel the change in his breathing, flips him over.

            “Jesus Bucky,” he chokes and Bucky turns on the light.

            “You’re crying.”

            “I _know_ ,”

            “Did I hurt you?”

            “No, Bucky, I’m okay.” He whispers and Bucky rests his weight on Steve’s thighs.

            “You aren’t even hard,” Bucky murmurs and Steve covers his face with his hands.

            “I know,” Bucky kisses the backs of his hands.

            “You’re crying pretty hard,”

            “I know Bucky.” Bucky moves Steve’s hands, gets a weak smile back in return.

            “You know what you need?” Bucky is pulling him up off the bed. “A bath.”

 

            Bucky lets Steve shower before drawing him a bath, coaxes Steve to relax in the tub and Steve starts crying. “Sorry,” he whispers.

            “It’s okay,” he kisses the side of Steve’s face. “Wanna talk about it?”

            “You’re not doing so hot Bucks,” Steve doesn’t look at him and Bucky stays quiet.

            “Think we can both fit in the bath?” His voice shakes and Steve moves to make room and Bucky slides in, slots his feet on either side of Steve’s hips and Steve does the same.

            “This is nice,” he breathes and Bucky lets out a sob. “Bucks, hey, it’s gonna be okay.”

            “I just got back,” he sobs and Steve is moving and pulling Bucky so he’s resting back against his chest. “I just got back,”

            “I know Bucky,” he drags his fingers through Bucky’s hair, “you wanna buy junk food and stay up all night?” He sobs out a yes and Steve holds him close.

 

            “Gimme a kiss big guy,” Steve murmurs and Bucky smiles, kisses him slow and he slides his hand along the side of his neck and he might as well take his pants off and fuck him in the frozen food aisle if he’s gonna kiss him like that. Bucky is still smiling when he pulls back and his lips brush against Steve’s/

            “You want another?” Bucky jokes and Steve tugs Bucky’s shirt and kisses him. “Easy,” he breathes and Steve blinks a few times and straightens Bucky’s shirt.

            “Junk food?” Steve says slowly and Bucky nods.

            Bucky doesn’t freak out in the store like he thinks he might, which is incredible and Steve whispers praises whenever he hears Bucky breathing in and out like Tony showed him. Steve,”

            “You’re doing so well Bucky,” Steve says and Bucky’s eyes light up. “You really are Bucks,” he leans forward and Bucky doesn’t close the gap. “You don’t want a reward kiss?”

            “My heart is doing the thing again and breathing isn’t helping,” he’s choked up and Steve nods slow, moves them quickly through the store, thanking God it’s late at night and there aren’t very many people. He quickly puts everything on the conveyor belt before returning his attention back to Bucky.

            “Okay, Bucky, doll,” Steve keeps his tone soft. “Let’s make it through the next minute.”

            “O-okay.”

            He’s putting the groceries in the car, Sam’s car, he borrows it sometimes, and by borrows he means hotwires Sam will yell at him but he doesn’t live far. He’ll return it when he knows Bucky is okay. “Do you wanna stand outside the car or sit in the car?”

            “In the car,” he whispers, “feel like I’m gonna float away.” He opens the door, helps Bucky in the car and gets in himself.

            “Should I call Tony?”

            “Give me a minute,” he tries breathing and Steve has to keep himself from watching him, mimics his breathing to calm himself down as well. Bucky shoves the car door open and dry heaves, Steve’s hand is instantly on his back rubbing slow circles.

            “I got ya Buck,” he murmurs and Bucky retches again.

 

            Bucky lies down when they get home, lets Steve tuck him in bed and rub his back until he falls asleep because junk food and staying up all night can wait. He spends a few seconds kissing Bucky’s sleeping face, whispers how much he loves him before getting up and going outside to call Tony. “This better be good I was just about to go to bed.”

            “He had a panic attack I think, but the breathing didn’t help, he was dry heaving for thirty minutes, Tony,” he’s crying, he told himself he wasn’t going to but he lied.

            “Steve,” Tony’s voice is soft and Steve slides down the wall and sobs and Tony doesn’t hang up.   

            “Don’t know what to do,” Steve chokes out.

            “Love him while I figure something out,” he laughs and Steve sniffles. “I’ll send a car to get you in a few days, we’ll run tests here.”

            “Thank you.”

            “Don’t mention it big guy, just keep the shaggy Russian kid breathing.” The phone clicks and he sits there for a minute before the door to his apartment opens.

            “Stevie,” he yawns and Steve rubs his face before getting up.

            “Yeah?”

            “I’m hungry,” Steve smiles, kisses him, walks them both back into the apartment and closes the door with his foot.

            “Let’s go make something to eat.”

            They eat bagel bites and chicken nuggets and junk Bucky has never heard of but tastes really good and Steve can’t stop watching him. “That’s a little creepy,” Bucky murmurs and Steve blinks.

            “It’s interesting watching someone eat something they’ve never had before,” Bucky nods.

            “Still creepy.”

            “Sorry,” he’s got his hand in a bag of chips and Bucky is watching TV, jumps a little when the program cuts to commercial.

            He makes a noise and points at the TV. “It’s freaky how it does that,”

            “It takes a little while to get used to.” He says and he flips it to a station that runs old shows and Bucky settles back.

            “I love you,” he whispers and Steve tilts his head back and smiles.

            “I love you too, Bucko.” And Bucky kisses him and Steve smiles.

 

            They pass out against each other, most of the junk food gone and Steve wakes up to the sound of Bucky’s snoring. He manages to get up and brush his teeth and Bucky is in the bathroom a minute later, barely awake and he shoves his pants off and pisses in front of Steve, reaches for his toothbrush once he’s done and Steve is moving to give him room. “Gonna take those off? Thought we could shower and fool around.” He spits in the sink and Steve is undressing so fast it makes Bucky smile.

            “Against the door,” Steve pants after his first orgasm and Bucky is bouncing back almost as fast as he is and he’s got him pinned against the door, fucking into him hard and Steve lets out a guttural groan. “Just like that,” he cries out and Bucky bites his neck, licks over the teeth marks and Steve is practically yanking his hair.

            “Neighbors must _love_ you,” Bucky pants and Steve gets louder, breathier, and his jaw drops a little.

            “Oh God,” Bucky presses his mouth to Steve’s, swallows his noises and Steve tightens around him and lets out a noise that probably only exists in heaven and he’s cumming. “Don’t stop,” he groans against Bucky’s lips, and Bucky doesn’t, fucks into him hard enough that the door is creaking and Steve can’t stop swearing.

            They can’t stay off each other the next several days, Bucky will look at him, he’ll say something, or he’ll just give Steve a kiss and Steve will pull at him by his shirt, pulls his clothes off and Bucky loves it. Loves that Steve doesn’t care where they fuck as long as they fuck so Bucky manages to cross off some bucket list places.

            Steve’s cooking breakfast, Bucky rolls out of bed and stumbles out of Steve’s room. “You’re up,” Steve says, pulls the pan of eggs off the stove before turning around and Bucky is naked, he looks exhausted, and his hair keeps falling in his face. He’s rubbing and eyes and Steve glances down his body, he’s half hard and when his eyes connect with Bucky’s face Bucky is staring at him. “Breakfast?” He offers and Bucky has him bent over the counter faster than he can blink. “ _Fuck me_ ,” he hisses and Bucky soothes a hand down Steve’s back, fabric bunching under his hand.

            “Want me to fuck you?” Bucky has his chest pressed against Steve’s back, fingers pulling at the band of Steve’s briefs.

            “No,” he says sarcastically and Bucky laughs, “the eggs are gonna get cold,”

            “It’s the future, Stevie, you can just heat them up,” he pulls Steve so he’s facing him and Steve’s taking his shirt off and Bucky smiles.

            He preps him in the bedroom, fucks him over the kitchen counter and it’s great, he keeps begging, “Harder, Bucky,” and he’s fucking him so hard he’s worried the counter might split but Steve doesn’t share that concern, brain shorting out when Bucky strokes his cock. He’s going to have to scrub the counter after breakfast.

            Bucky eats like he’s never had food before and Steve can’t stop watching him, his hair is wet from the shower he insisted they both take, together, Bucky’s metal arm squeaks after the shower and Steve can’t stop laughing. “Next time we’ll wrap it up,” he murmurs, leans down to kiss the side of Bucky’s face when he gets up to put his plate in the sink.

            “It’s usually fine,” he says, follows Steve to put his plate in the sink.

            Steve puts Bucky in front of a fan while they watch TV, speeding up the drying process because the squeaking is driving him slowly up the wall. “You didn’t have to swap out all the furniture,” Bucky says but this couch looks comfier than the one Steve had before.

            “It’s homey,” Steve says softly, “didn’t get much say in the old furniture.” Bucky lets Steve brush his hair, he won’t brush it and it’ll tangle and Steve doesn’t want to hear it.

           

            Steve falls asleep and Bucky wanders around the house, opens the front door and silently closes it behind him. His heart is racing. He’s seen Steve get the mail from downstairs before, he’s got the mailbox key in his hand and he shuffles down the stairs, hand pressed against the wall as he walks, he feels like he’s going to float away, heart pounding and he’s frozen. He can’t move.

            Steve wakes up, makes a note to himself that taking a forty minute nap was not smart and he feels sluggish. “Bucky?” he gets up, checks his bedroom. “Bucko?” He waits, the apartment is silent. He’s quickly moving to the front door, unlocked, he pulls it open, shuts it behind him and takes the stair two at a time.

            He almost crashes into a lady who lives downstairs, she remembers him, remembers the war, and tells Steve he’s just as handsome as he was in the pictures she went to growing up. She’s sitting on the step and he should have heard the crying, the blood is pounding too hard in his ear to have noticed but he steps around and Bucky is shaking next to her, tears streaming down his face and he’s breathing like Tony showed him but it’s faster, ultimately defeating the purpose of calming him down. “Mr. Rogers,” she says and Steve smiles.

            “Missus Joan,” Steve says and he smiles at her and Bucky has his eye’s closed, mail gripped in his metal hand and the mailbox key in the other hand. “I think I can handle this,” he whispers and she stands up slowly before heading back to her apartment. “Bucky,” Steve murmurs and he’s still breathing fast. “Did you get the mail for me,” he says softly and Bucky nods. “I appreciate that, you didn’t have to,”

            “Wan-wanted to,” he’s gasping for air like he’s drowning and Steve puts a hand on his knee.

            “You wanna head back up to the apartment?” He gets a jerky nod. “Okay big guy,” he murmurs and Bucky’s legs shake when he stands up. “You made it so far on your own,” he breathes, arm around his waist as they take the stairs slowly. “Almost there, okay?” Bucky’s breathing begins to hiccup and Steve is slow, soft encouragements and gentle touches until they make it back to the apartment. “We made it,” and he isn’t sure if he’s talking about making it back to the apartment or surviving in general.

            He pulls Bucky to his room, gently coaxes him onto the bed and he’s still crying and it’s silent as the tears drip down his face. “You we-were sleeping,” he chokes out, rolls into Steve, and buries his face against his shoulder.

            “I know Buck,” Steve murmurs, runs his fingers through his hair, “can I have the mail?” Bucky nods jerkily, metal fingers letting go of the mail.

            “Crushed it,” he chokes out and Steve presses kisses all over Bucky’s face. He opens up the few letters before putting them on the nightstand.

            “Nothing important,” he whispers, God he’s still shaking. “Can I do anything to help?” He breathes, fingers pushing Bucky’s hair out of his eyes.

            “Just wan-wanted to help out.”

            “You did a good job, next time we can go together,” he doesn’t expect Bucky to cling onto him so tightly, Steve rubs his back. “We don’t have to do stuff alone anymore; it can be just like before,” he can feel Bucky’s breathing start to slow down. “I promise.”

 

            It isn’t even an hour after the breakdown and Bucky is kissing Steve sweetly, he wants something, Steve can tell. “Steve,”

            “Yea-mph,” Bucky is kissing him and Steve makes an exasperated noise.

            “Want you to fuck me,” there it is and Bucky is moving to straddle Steve.

            “You sure?” Steve murmurs, hands trailing up Bucky’s sides and he nods.

            “Yeah,”

            “Grab the slick,” he murmurs and Bucky is getting off of him to grab it.

 

            Steve works him open slow, has him cumming with just his fingers and he’s hard again not even a few minutes later, Steve whispering filthy things to him doesn’t help. “Steve, Jesus,” he groans, “no more talking,” Steve laughs.

            “You wanna ride me?” The noise that leaves Bucky’s lips is guttural.

            Steve leans back against the headboard as Bucky lowers himself down on his cock, mouth opened and he’s letting out these small gasps when he’s fully seated. He puts one hand on the headboard, other on Steve’s shoulder and the metal is skin warm and Bucky is just sitting on him and moaning. “Feels so good.”

            “You gotta move before I flip you and fuck you into the mattress, Buck,” Steve whines and Bucky locks eyes with him, drags his ass slowly up Steve’s dick, can feel his hips stuttering up and Bucky tightens his grip on Steve’s shoulder before pushing back down quickly. “Come on Bucky,” he breathes and Bucky is fucking down a little harder and Steve grips his hips.

            “Fu-fuck,” he nails his prostate and Steve fucks up again when Bucky slides back down again.

            “Le-let me,” and he doesn’t have to finish his sentence, lets Steve move him back against the bed and his hips piston the second Bucky’s back hits the mattress. It doesn’t stay there for more than three seconds, arches up into Steve’s brutal thrusts and he’s close. His hand tightens on Steve’s shoulder and when he cums Steve lets out a yelp, Bucky’s metal fingers almost crush his shoulder with their grip and when he lets go the bruise doesn’t fade. It’s deep and ugly and purple, the length of his fingers on Steve’s shoulders turn a deep blue and Steve is slowly pulling out of Bucky, collapses back against the mattress.

            “Ar-are you okay?” His breathing is rough and Steve’s got tears in his eyes. “I didn’t mean to my hand froze up,” he’s moving to rest on his side, “Stevie,” he gets choked up. “I didn’t mean t-“

            “You got… One helluva grip,” he groans and Bucky is getting up to get a towel to clean him up.

            “Didn’t mean it,” he whispers and he’s cleaning himself off first before noticing Steve’s still hard. He lets his fingers brush the length and Steve lets out a small sigh, focusing on something other than his shoulder. It’s slowly starting to stop hurting. Bucky straddles Steve’s thighs, “I used to watch you,” he murmurs and he’s stroking Steve’s cock slowly. “Through the window,”

            “Yeah?” He breathes, watches Bucky.

            “You would read when bird man wasn’t around.”

            “Sam,” he stutters when Bucky twists his hand on the upstroke, flicks his thumb over the slit.          

            “You would get bored; shove your hand in your pants.” Steve’s slowly growing red.

            “Bucky,” he groans, locks eyes with him.

            “My favorite part was when you’d push your briefs off, caught around your thighs so you couldn’t stretch out.” Steve is whining and Bucky speeds up his strokes, leans over Steve and nips at his jaw. “You look like a God when you cum,” he breathes and Steve’s fucking up into the grip, his hips stutter and he’s spilling over Bucky’s hand. He does look like a God, his head tilted back and his lips parted. Bucky swallows hard and cleans him up.

 

 

            “Don’t think we aren’t talking about you spying on me.” Steve says and Bucky leans in to kiss him. “Nice try,” he laughs, presses a finger against Bucky’s lips.

            “Wanted to see you,” he murmurs, “didn’t know what to do.”

            “So you would watch me?”

            “I like watching you.”

            “How long?” Bucky goes red.

            “Few months.”

            “Where?”

            “Top of the building next door, worked a brick out and watched,”

            “That’s smart,” Bucky smiles. “But not okay,” he stretches out on the bed and Bucky curls up against him. “We should probably head to the store sometime soon,” Bucky tenses up, “I can always call Natasha,” Steve murmurs and Bucky kisses at Steve’s bruised shoulder. “Careful,” he hisses and Bucky moves to rest his head on Steve’s chest.

            He calls Natasha a few hours later, after they’ve showered, which takes longer than Steve would like because Bucky wants to fuck him and he can’t say no, doesn’t want to say no.

            Natasha is mumbling something in Russian to Bucky and Steve looks at them both. “What?”

            “She told me to take it easy on you cos you’re limping a little.” Nat’s laughing and Steve’s red.

            “You wanna come to the store?” Steve asks and Bucky nods.

            “I’ll give you guys a lift,”

 

            Okay, so he doesn’t intend to let Bucky fuck him in the bathroom at the store but it happens. Natasha doesn’t want to leave them alone after she finds out about Bucky’s last few attacks so she talks to him in Russian and has him laughing and smiling while Steve gathers food to fill Bucky’s never ending hunger. “Steve,” Bucky breathes, and Steve jumps out of his trance, was trying to figure out how much he wanted to spend on cookies because they’re on sale and Nat is just smiling.

            “Hmm?” Nat’s moving to take his shopping cart and list.

            “Bucky has to piss show him the bathroom,” she says and he doesn’t think anything of it, until Bucky is checking the surprisingly clean restroom for people. He’s on Steve before he can leave, kisses him slow and Steve’s knees feel weak.

            “Nat’s watching the door,” he murmurs and Steve’s eyes go wide.

            “Bucky,” he sounds exasperated and Bucky smiles.

            “Hands on the sink?” He hates that the idea of getting caught turns him on and Bucky’s hands are a blur and Steve is still open from earlier, he works him open fast and he’s grabbing paper towels, shoves one in Steve’s hand and he holds it over his cock when Bucky slides into him.

            “Fu-fuck,”

            “’s a little tight,” he grunts and Steve is already panting, Bucky fucks him hard and fast, Steve’s gripping one side of the sink and Bucky has his face pressed between Steve’s shoulder blades, breathing hot. “Watch yourself,” he breathes and he watches Steve watch himself in the mirror, jaw slack and his eyes are bright and his skin is flushed and he’s cumming hard into the paper towel. Bucky pulls out and Steve is breathing hard through his nose trying to keep it down.

            “C’mere,” Steve whispers, drags Bucky forward by his shirt and he kisses him hard and strokes his cock. Bucky lets out a stuttered whine and Steve is quick. They straighten up and Nat laughs at the both of them when they step out of the bathroom.

            “Three minutes, Jesus Christ.”

            “Shut up,” Steve breathes, moves her away from the cart and Bucky whispers something in Russian that has Nat blushing.

            “You can’t say that,” she murmurs and Bucky laughs, God they smell like sex. “He might like that.”

            “I’m not even going to ask.” He says and he can’t even make eye contact with anyone in the store.

            “That was fun,” Bucky says when they’re all in the car.

            “We can never shop here again.” Steve says slowly and Bucky and Nat are laughing.

            “A little public sex never hurt anyone.” She says and she’s driving them back to the apartment.

            “Natasha’s done it in public,” Bucky says and Steve sighs.

            “Do not make Natasha’s sex life a goal.” Steve says and Nat gives him a look. “You put someone in the hospital,” she shrugs and Bucky whispers something in Russian that has Natasha in tears.

            “God he’s fun,” she says and Steve frowns.

 

            Natasha stays over, brushes Bucky’s hair and pulls it up for him. “Looks good,” Steve murmurs and Bucky smiles at him, God that’s dangerous.

            “If you keep eyefucking each other,” Natasha starts; flipping through the channels and Steve looks horrified, looks away from Bucky like he wasn’t thinking about testing how long his hair could stay pulled back if he was fucking him. “Should I go outside and pretend to make a phone call?”

            “Please,” Bucky whines and Natasha laughs, gets up and the second the door is closed Bucky has Steve up and against the wall, “we can’t have company,” his voice is rough.

            “Was thinking the same thing,” Steve pants, has his briefs off and Bucky is pinning Steve’s wrists above his head, and there’s no way to get out of the grip, metal fingers pressing hard against his skin.

            Bucky starts fucking him, bites him and Steve watches the bun his hair is in bob back and forth on top of his head. “Gotta learn self-control,” he laughs and Steve is almost in tears, can’t stop laughing.

            “Ye-yeah, God, _no_ ,” he hits that spot and Steve never wants him to stop.

            “No?” Bucky laughs, “you like it when I need to fuck you?”

            “Ha _-ah,_ Jesus, _yes,_ ” his hands flex and Bucky starts to stroke him and he doesn’t stop until Steve cums, Bucky climaxes and lets Steve go. His wrists are bruised.

            “Sorry, fuck,” he’s pulling Steve’s wrists to his mouth, kisses the finger mark bruises. “Go clean up,” he breathes and Steve feels boneless.

 

            He’s making breakfast, Tony said the car would be there around noon and Natasha left early in the morning, woke Sam up to get her because she and Bucky had done shots.

            He’s reaching for plates when Bucky trails his hands up Steve’s sides, ghosts his mouth over his neck and Steve whimpers, it isn’t like the first time Bucky wanted to fuck Steve in the kitchen, it’s gentler, “always wanted to fuck you in the kitchen in Brooklyn,” Bucky breathes and Steve is so in love with him.

            “Gonna do it or not?” Steve moans and Bucky is tugging down their briefs and he barely has to prep Steve before sliding all the way in. Bucky gives a hard thrust that has Steve mewling, back arching as he rests his elbows on the counter. Bucky kisses at Steve’s left shoulder, kisses at the fading bruise and Steve hums softly, lets his head drop between his shoulders as Bucky fucks him lazily, hands roaming over his hips, up his sides and Steve lets out a breathy laugh.

            “I love you,” he murmurs against Steve’s shoulder, rolls his hips forward and Steve makes a low noise in the back of his throat.

            “Love you too,” and that’s where the gentleness ends, Bucky starts to pick up the pace and he’s in heaven.

            The fire alarm goes off. He left a pan on the stove with eggs and forgot to turn it off. Bucky’s finishing when it starts to go off and they fall over each other trying to put it out and pull clothes on. Steve’s pulling his t-shirt on as they head downstairs as the buildings alarm goes off.

            Bucky can’t stop smiling and Steve is bright fucking red as he watches Bucky introduce himself to the people who stare. “James Barnes,” he says, smiling and nodding and for fucks sake he’s in his boxers and a t-shirt, same as Steve, “winter soldier,” he makes a face. “I’m good now.” He looks over at Steve who doesn’t know if he should strangle him or not. But he’s _speaking_ to people, he isn’t breathing like Tony showed him and he’s smiling. “No, I’m good now, I didn’t do this,” Steve stays close to him.  “Steve was over the co-“ Steve is clapping a hand over his mouth to shut him up.

            “I forgot to turn the stove off, I was grabbing plates.” He swerves Bucky over to an empty space in the lobby. “Bucky I will kill you myself if you keep speaking,” Bucky licks his hand and the hairs on the back of Steve’s neck stand straight up. He lets go of Bucky and Bucky turns and pinches Steve’s side.

            “That girl over there took a picture of you,” he waves at her and Steve is bright red.

            “That’s the last time we fool around in the kitchen, Bucky,” Steve murmurs and Bucky kisses the side of Steve’s face.

 

            The car shows up ten minutes after everyone is allowed back upstairs, they manage to clean up quickly and change into comfortable clothes, Steve fusses over Bucky, “it’s a long ride,” he murmurs, “you don’t have to cover up your arm, okay?” Bucky pulls on one of Steve’s shirts and jeans and Steve nods.

            “I’m fine,” he says and Steve lets out a small sigh.

            “You’re positive?” Bucky smiles and shakes his head. “We should get going,” the second the door closes behind Steve he can _feel_ Bucky tense up, can feel his breathing shift and the way he held himself only minutes ago is gone. Steve grabs for his hand, “I’m so excited for you to see where Tony lives,” he says softly as they head down the stairs.

            “I don’t wanna go.” Bucky whispers, they’re in the lobby, Steve turns and he’s got tears in his eyes and Steve makes this soft hushing noise.

            “Oh Bucky,” his voice is a coo, a hushed, nurturing whisper. “It’s okay, I know it doesn’t feel okay but it is okay, I promise.” He pushes his hand through Bucky’s hair, hand cupping the back of his head as he pulls him in for a hug. “We gotta go,” Bucky nods against his shoulder and it takes him a minute but they get in the car, Steve whispers an apology and the divider goes up as his phone rings.

            “Put the soldier on the phone.” It’s Tony’s voice and it’s crisp and excited and he hands the phone to Bucky.

            “It’s Tony,” he murmurs and Bucky doesn’t know what to say.         

            “I’ll do all the talking,” Tony says and thank God because Bucky was trying to put a sentence together and failing horribly. “I’ll see you in a few hours and we’ll get this figured out.”

            “Okay,” Bucky’s voice is choked.

            “Breathe, kid,” Tony murmurs and Steve looks so worried. “I don’t hear you breathing, I know you have some fucked up sort of amnesia but if you’ve seriously forgotten how to breathe I can’t help you,”

            “Fuck you,” Bucky snorts and Tony laughs.

            “I’ll see you when you get here.” Tony hangs up and Steve is staring at him.

            “Come here,” Steve breathes, and Bucky doesn’t realize he’s crying until Steve is pressing his lips to the wet trails on his cheeks.

            “Th-this car is weird,” Bucky whispers.

            “You should see the one in this one movie Natasha showed me,” Steve murmurs, makes soothing sounds until Bucky is breathing evenly and Bucky is okay for a while, Steve talks to him to keep his mind from wandering.

            “What if I die?”

            “Jesus, don’t say that.” Steve snaps and Bucky stares at him, emotionless, Steve gets on his knees, slots himself between Bucky’s legs because Bucky looks away and he isn’t going to break eye contact. “Tony is brilliant.” He says, “He will not let you die.” Bucky is breathing like Tony showed him and Steve goes to move but Bucky puts a hand on his shoulder and Steve stays, holds onto the edge of Bucky’s seat so he doesn’t tip over.

            “What if it’s ugly?” Steve snorts, Bucky’s been quiet for ten minutes and it’s been nice. “What if it’s super ugly?”

            “See, that’s a good concern.” Steve can’t stop laughing.

            “Steve,” his voice is low and Steve’s laughter dies in an instant.

            “Yeah Bucko?”

            “I,” he shifts and Steve can see his erection tenting his pants.

            “Bucky oh my God,” Steve is laughing.

            “It just happened,” he looks so embarrassed and it is killing Steve, “I,” he makes a frustrated noise and Steve is on his knees, working Bucky’s belt off and Bucky is whispering _thank you,_ lifting his hips and Christ his cock is leaking and Steve goes blank. He smells like soap and sex and he’s breathing hot on Bucky’s cock. “Stevie,” he whimpers and Steve looks up at him and Bucky’s breathing hitches.  Steve’s grabbing Bucky’s metal hand, places it against the back of his head and he feels the fingers curl in his hair.

            “Be rough,” Steve breathes and Bucky’s eyes close for a second and he guides Steve down, lets Steve lap at the head of his cock and his fingers tighten in Steve’s hair, it earns him a gasp from Steve who wraps his lips around the head. Bucky presses his head down, drags it back up before pressing him down a little more. It goes on until the head of his cock hits the back of Steve’s throat, Steve’s looking up at him, God his eyes are blue. He pulls his head back, lets him breathe and Steve groans.

            “Gonna pick up the pace,” Bucky says and Steve hums.

            He wasn’t joking, Steve barely has time to breathe between rough thrusts and Bucky is a ball of noise above him, his eyes lock with Bucky’s and the noise that he makes is a mix between him gasping _oh fuck_ and moaning. His hips stutter and he’s spilling down Steve’s throat, holding him in place until he’s done before slowly letting go of his hair. Steve pulls off his cock, lips swollen and he wipes the drool off his face and Bucky is dragging him onto his lap. Steve nips at his jaw. “Was good,” he rasps and Bucky is kissing him hard, tangling his fingers in Steve’s hair.

            “My turn,” Bucky breathes and Steve is moving to sit and Bucky is between his legs.

            He’s gentle, gives Steve’s cock a firm stroke, kisses the head and Steve lets out a stuttered breath. “Come on,” he groans and Bucky swallows him down in one go, hands firm on Steve’s hips as he sucks him off.

            He ends up on Bucky’s cock, bouncing as Bucky’s lips drag across his chest. “This was a good idea,” Bucky moans and Steve lets out a breathless laugh.

            “Yeah,” is all Steve can manage, kisses Bucky and when he’s close Bucky is pulling out, blows Steve to completion before finishing and Steve feels like a puddle, “I love you,” he laughs and Bucky looks at him and God Steve looks drunk.

            “I love you too Stevie,” he can’t stop smiling.

 

            “You look good in those underwear,” Tony says when they walk into his lab and Bucky is all smiles.

            “Some girl took his picture,”

            “I saw it,” Tony smiles and Steve is bright red. “So, kid,” Tony says and he pats the chair and Bucky goes to sit down. “You don’t look stressed out.” He’s grabbing his right hand, turns his palm out.

            “We fooled around on the way over,”

            “Bucky stop speaking,” Steve whispers and Tony smiles.

            “How far does Steve go in a car?”

            “This is hell. They didn’t unfreeze me. I’m still dead.” He likes the way Bucky smiles at him and he doesn’t realize Tony is feeling for a vein, has a band cutting hard into his upper arm.

            “Ouch!” Bucky jumps and Steve gives his shoulder a soft squeeze.

            “Just taking some blood,” Steve kisses Bucky, when he pulls back Bucky is watching him with big eyes.

            “You’re okay,” Steve murmurs.

            “You have any fun the last week, Cap?” Tony winks at him and Steve frowns.

            “The neighbors filed a complaint.”

            “Over Steve?” Tony is laughing. “You aren’t a church mouse in bed?”

            “More like a church bell,” Bucky laughs and Steve pinches Bucky as Tony slides the needle out.

            “I assumed when we were there you were loud because you hadn’t gotten any in years.”

            “Shut up, Stark.” Bucky can’t stop smiling and Steve hates them both.

 

            Stark lets them wander off while he goes through Bucky’s blood samples. They end up in a closet in the tower breathing hot as they rut against each other. “What we do in bed is private,” Steve groans and Bucky is pressing him against the wall, drops to his knees and Steve feels dizzy.

            “We’ve done it everywhere _but_ the bed the last two days.” He’s working Steve’s pants off and his briefs.

            “Bucky,” Steve starts and Bucky is swallowing him down, cups his balls and Steve’s fingers tangle in his hair.

            He can’t even scold Bucky all he can do is moan, and it takes him a second to register the light and the door is being opened and Tony is standing there. “Okay,” he starts, “so this can go one of two ways,” and Bucky swallows around Steve’s cock and he cums. Tony waits, and Bucky pulls off slow, and Tony totally glances at Steve’s cock and Jesus Christ. Bucky doesn’t care that Tony’s standing there, gets up and kisses Steve hard while Steve struggles to get his pants on. Steve pulls them up, breaks the kiss and pushes a hand through his hair.

            “Sorry,” is the only thing Steve can manage and Tony shrugs.

            “So that arm of yours has got to go.” Bucky’s whole face goes white and he shakes his head.

            “No.”

            “It’s killing you.”

            “Bucky,” Steve starts and he gets a dirty look.

            “You said my arm looked fine.” Tony nods, runs a hand over his face and makes a frustrated noise.

            “I know,” and he pauses. “I’m gonna let you finish and we’ll talk over dinner once you both clean up and I get this entire closet bleached. He leans forward, pulls the light switch before shutting the door.

            Bucky is only half hard and Steve gets on his knees and Bucky leans hard against the wall. “It’s gonna be okay,” Steve says and Bucky slides down the wall and Steve kisses him. “You’re gonna be okay.” He kisses him again. “I just got you back, nothings gonna happen.” He sits with Bucky in the closet for a while. They don’t speak.

 

            The room Tony has them staying in is nice. There’s clean clothes laid out on the bed. Suits. Bucky gives Steve a look. “I don’t know what he has planned, Bucky.”

            Getting Bucky in the suit is like pulling teeth and it’s ridiculous. “It looks stupid.” He hisses and Steve lets out a startled laugh.

            “You look dashing,” Steve says it softly, pulls Bucky’s hair out of his face and secures it in a bun.

            “Looks better on you,” he says and Steve smiles, presses a kiss to Bucky’s jaw.

            “We should head down, the longer we wait the later we’ll be up.”

 

            He doesn’t expect Tony to be throwing a small party. Bucky is so tense at his side that he has half a mind to take him back to their room. “Boys,” Tony greets and Steve wants to beat his ass. He takes a deep breath.

            “What is this?”

            “Funding, mingle,” he says and Bucky frowns. “Just an hour or two, you can manage.” Tony says softly and Bucky doesn’t think he can. Steve gives his hand a squeeze.

            “You can do this,” he says and he gives Tony a look. “We can kick his ass later, okay,” he breathes and Bucky smiles.

            “Promise?”

            “Of course,” he says and Bucky doesn’t let go of Steve’s hand.

            They smile at people, talk about ridiculously stupid things. Does he know what an iphone is? Does he own one? Does he ever need help using the phone? They all remind him of Sam when they first hung out together. It was cute the first time but this is disgustingly annoying and Bucky keeps rubbing his back. When the questions are focused on Bucky he does surprisingly well. “Did I know what I was doing?” He says slowly, he shakes his head. “No.” He looks at Steve and when he blinks there are tears spilling down his cheeks. “I didn’t know,” he’s shaking. Fuck.

            “Okay,” Steve says and he’s pulling Bucky to him, “okay,” his voice is gentle and Tony swings around a few people to get to them. “I should kick your ass right here,” Steve says and he’s still cooing, rubbing Bucky’s back and Tony is smiling.

            “Get him upstairs,” he says slowly, “run him a bath, and calm him down.” Steve nods but Bucky is shaking his head.

            “I’m fine.” He breathes slowly. “I’m okay.” Tony rubs his back and Bucky stares up at Steve.

            “We can go upstairs, Bucky, it’s okay.”

            “Wanna stay,” and Steve nods.

 

            Bucky dances Steve around the room, smiling at him and if Steve had died, if Steve ever dies, this is what heaven looks like.

 

            Tony explains later in the evening while giving a speech that the wires in Bucky’s arm, the wires that send signals to his brain, are poisoning his blood. Steve is in the back crying silently by a large house plant and Bucky sneaks him kisses, soft lips against his cheek and the corners of his mouth. “I’ll be removing the arm myself,” Tony says and he’s looking at Steve, flashes him a smile and stands a little straighter. “I can garuntee you James Barnes is a different man, you all have nothing to worry about, most of you spoke with him. He’s a great guy,” people clap and Steve is smiling, rubs at his eyes and Bucky smiles.

            “He totally wants to fuck me,” he’s fighting back laughter and Steve can’t, he looks at him and loses it. “Stevie, he wants to fuck me, oh my God,”

            “Bucky shut up,” he wheezes and a few people look back at him.

            “Steve, I might leave you for him,” Steve is pulling him close against his chest, jostles the house plant a little, “I’m serious Stevie, you know I’m a sucker for shitty facial hair,”

            “Oh I know,” he breathes, “you had that God awful beard,” Bucky snorts and Steve kisses him slow.

           

            Tony has them up early, Steve sits in the room while Tony gives Bucky shots of thick, murky liquid, and his lids start to get heavy. He leans down and gives him a kiss. “His facial hair is awful,” Bucky whispers and Steve smiles.

            “I know, Bucks,” and he’s out.

            Tony works fast, and there’s a lot of blood but he’s quick and when Steve gives him a look he frowns. “Got people on standby, prefer doing things myself.”

            “If you kill him,” Steve starts and Tony laughs.

            “Not gonna happen,”

            He’s got the new arm on him in three hours and he’s hooked up to a machine that filters his blood. “We just wait for him to wake up.”

 

            It’s a few hours before Bucky wakes up and he’s giddy, Steve is over the moon, “Bucky,” he whispers, “how’s it feel?” Bucky blinks a few times.

            “Let him wake up,” Tony says and he’s just as excited as Steve. Bucky lifts his arm up.

            “Fuck,” he breathes, bends his fingers.

            “It’s a new Stark prosthetic,” he says, smiling. “Looks like skin, feels like skin, warms up like skin, gets cold like skin,” Bucky’s crying.

            “The future is fucking weird, Stevie,” and Steve is laughing, kissing Bucky’s face and laughing.

            “I know, Bucky, I know.”

            “Touch it,” Tony says, biting his thumb, “go on, fucking touch the arm.” Steve touches his arm and Bucky jumps. “Fake nerve endings, the only downside is you can feel pain,”

            “I,” he looks at Steve. “I’m okay.”

            “Of course you are kid, if you wouldn’t the ice captain woulda killed me.” Bucky rubs his eyes.

            “Christ, Stevie,” he goes to move and winces.

            “Pain, Bucky, you need to relax.” Tony says and Bucky nods.

 

            It’s weird, more weird for Bucky but weird for the both of them. Steve can’t stop kissing him when they get home, kisses his fingertips. “You can feel that?” Steve asks and he’s been doing this for hours.

            “Yes, Stevie,” it’s overwhelming, it’s been a few months and it’s still overwhelming.

            He blends with society, which is nice. He can take Steve to the movies and kiss him. He can buy him sapphires and hold his hand and he can feel it, he can feel the warmth of Steve’s hand, the sweat on his palms when it’s too hot outside. He’s happy. Life is good. He can love Steve the way he’s always wanted to and maybe the future isn’t so bad.

 

**Author's Note:**

> The nerve endings are based off that one episode of My Life as a Teenage Robot where Jenny gets those nerve endings oh my g od that's basically the only reason I wrote this and I'm not satisfied with the ending tbh but I've spent two weeks rewriting and adding more and I wrote it like months ago so just man I hope you enjoyed pls kudos or something comments r amazing too  
> Steve's apartment was set up by SHIELD, idk I figured maybe if they didn't want to shock him, if he hadn't run at the end of catfa, that maybe he would have slowly been moved into the 21st century idk but it was one of my favourite parts to write okay no lie, my favourite was the gunslinger pout scene oh man.  
> I do all my own editing and I really skimmed this so sorry for typos and again the ending is shit really I can't think of how to end it tht's as good as I came up with I spent two days tryna figure it out.  
> 


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